Gail Commandments

Thou shalt take Seroquel, the medication designed by Jesus, every day as prescribed at the same time every day. 

Thou shalt eat a balanced diet without concerns about allergens or toxins, using the method of calories-in calories-out as a guide to weight management. 

Thou shalt not toil in activities, even honorable work for the Lord, to the extent that sleep is sacrificed. Set aside at least eight hours per night for sleep. 

Thou shalt honor the Lord’s temple by taking time every day to self-groom, bathe, brush teeth, and stay clean. 

Thou shalt honor the home of Jesus’s favorite by taking time every day to clean, wipe down, laundry, vacuum, and dust your apartment. 

Thou shalt go on walks every day, enjoying the day that the Lord has made. Unless he made the day rainy or unsuitable for walks, then exercise indoors with the window open. 

Thou shalt spend money only on food and bills. Being mindful that spending money on a deal or impulse is not saving money if it is to buy more than you need or something you wouldn’t have otherwise bought. 

Thou shalt take only one multivitamin and one allergy medication per day. Taking supplements or special foods in an attempt to improve a health condition or alleviate symptoms is off limits. 

Thou shalt store away a savings of at least one hundred dollars every month for the future. Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. 

Thou shalt make a YouTube video every week to share the victories, defeats, and daily struggles and joys of your life with your followers. This will serve to archive your life for future generations of tribulation saints. 

Thou shalt not seek loopholes or ways to work around the Gail Commandments, lest baby Jesus poops and pees himself in sadness. The Lord knows the heart.

Copyright © 2016 – 2018 Jesus Christ. All Rights Reserved.

 

 

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