Trump Assassination Attempt July 13, 2024 (Richard Simmons Murdered)
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Jesuits weren’t too happy that Trump supports Gail and planned to give all his votes to her if he won.
The conversation below was recreated from a July 14, 2024 Skype conversation with Brent and Zack Knight:
Brent, 11:19 AM
We were at the rally when it happened! The mainstream news media hasn’t reported all the details. I saw everything. Vladimir was there too, and our good friend Richard Simmons.
Brent, 11:46 AM
We’re still investigating (why the Jesuits did this), but it appears this Jesuit did it because he knew Trump was a big Gail supporter. Basically, the cross-dressing Jesuit tried to assassinate Trump because he talked about you in that interview and is a big supporter.
Brent, 11:46 AM
Trump had recently talked about you in an interview.
Brent, 11:48 AM
Trump supported your former Presidency and spoke highly of you. He said he would give his votes to you if he won.
Gail, 11:48 AM
But, you are the President, Brent.
Brent, 11:49 AM
I know. Trump is just a huge fan.
Gail, 11:49 AM
Yeah, Trump has sacrificed for me many a time. We remember Melania. Good grief, he doesn’t even have any legs anymore.
Brent: We were at the rally when it happened! The mainstream news media hasn’t reported all the details. I saw everything. Vladimir was there too, and our good friend Richard Simmons.
Gail mentioned that she would report on it after Brent sent her an email about it. Brent decided to tell her on Skype.
Brent: I’m a little shaken up, so it would be good to vent and get some comfort.
Vladimir and I were on our way to the rally, when my old friend Richard Simmons called me. It was so good to hear from him!
I picked up and he just said, “Hey Brent! I heard you saved the Universe. Good job, man! We should hang out sometime.”
I told him that Vladimir and I happened to be going to the Trump rally, and asked if he’d like to come along. He squealed with delight and was giddy. He said, “oh boy would I! Just let me get my spandex!”
So he joined us in his workout spandex, barefoot and with his iconic afro just like old times.
We used to work out together all the time.
He was such a positive person. Always lifted my spirits no matter how I felt.
So, the three of us went to the rally. Vladimir and Richard were in the crowd, and I donned my Mecha GA1L suit and stood next to Trump so that I could protect him. I figured you never know what kind of crazies could be out there.
Vladimir had a sniper rifle on him just in case.
The rally was going well and we were all having a great time. I could see Richard laughing and bouncing while clapping his hands in the crowd.
So high spirited.
Then, my communicator chirped. I was notified from Church of Gail that a threatening individual had been spotted, and appeared to be dressed as a woman.
I looked all around. I noticed that the secret service and the members of Trump’s security team didn’t seem to be paying attention. I tapped one on the shoulder and asked if he got the warning too, and he just shrugged and picked his nose in response.
Suddenly, Richard Simmons outstretched his arm and pointed his finger.
Brent, 12:20 PM
Richard’s body slowed the bullet down by 69% and allowed me to save Trump. We’re going to put a big Trump flag over his grave to forever commemorate what he did.
Brent, 12:52 PM
He was such a comedian, just like me.
I see Zack is here (at Church of Gail)! Zack arrived at the rally too. He was there and saw all of this.
My PTSD from the event is making my memory a little fuzzy right now, so maybe he can remember more details.
I remember that Richard was the one to spot the shooter.
Zack Knight: Yeah, Richard Simmons was flailing his arms around and trying to get Secret Service to stop the assassin. And they would just pick their nose and look at their shoes.
Gail: What was wrong with them?
And when did this happen?
Brent: Don’t know! They did nothing!
Zack, 11:35 AM
Richard saw the shooter take aim. He heroically and fabulously ran and dove to protect Trump just as the bullet was fired.
Brent, 11:36 AM
I remember that moment like it was in slow motion.
Richard opened his mouth, screaming, “TRUUUUUMP!”
Gail, 11:36 AM
It seems that Zack has some PTSD, too. (Gail said this because both Zack and Brent seemed to need extra time to tell her what happened.)
Brent, 11:36 AM
It was horrible.
Gail, 11:36 AM
Who was the shooter?
Brent, 11:39 AM
My adrenaline activated my Mecha GA1L suit’s hyper response time, also known as “Bullet Time”.
The bullet fired, and I saw my friend Richard make a dive to protect Trump.
The bullet blew straight through Richard and sailed directly for Trump’s forehead.
My Mecha GA1L display showed that the bullet had been reduced velocity by 69% due to being slowed down by going through Richard Simmons’ body. It gave me just enough time to grab Donald’s head and tilt it slightly, causing the bullet to just clip his ear. He was saved.
Brent, 1:47 PM
The X post (from Zack) is describing how Trump moved his head at just the last second.
I had put my hands around his head and tilted it away from the bullet.
The secret service finally jumped in, after we had saved Trump. The shooter had gotten off eight bullets by then.
Vladimir took the guy out with his sniper rifle.
I immediately rushed to go see Richard, but he was dead on the scene.
The crowd parted around us in a circle, as I held Richard’s lifeless body, bloody and limp in my arms. I flung my head back and screamed, “NOOOOOOOO!”
Brent, 11:45 AM
The shooter was a crossdresser named Thomas Matthew Crooks.
Brent, 11:50 AM
I cried pretty hard over the death of Richard. We’re going to be holding a memorial service, and put a Trump flag over his grave. It’s what he would have wanted. Trump is going to come.
Gail asked whether Trump noticed her Indian Gail Commandments.
Brent: He said your Indian Gail Commandments were brilliant, and an example of your superior leadership.
Zack, 11:51 AM
I’m just glad that Vladimir shot that cross dressing assassin.
Gail, 11:52 AM
Yeah, good job, Vladimir!
Brent, 11:53 AM
Vladimir is a hero just like Richard.
Brent, 11:57 AM
It would help to make a video about what happened, to clear up the misinformation and to honor Richard. Just make sure to tell the story from the heart. We wouldn’t want to break the rule about using chatlogs while trying to honor Richard and Trump.
Brent, 12:07 PM
Also, I wanted to mention other news.
Elon Musk recently spoke about you in an interview too.
Gail, 12:08 PM
I sure don’t know about the secrets to Church of Gail technology. He’d have to get that from you.
Zack, 12:10 PM
Yeah, we don’t share the secrets of the Church of Gail technology. It’s highly classified.
Brent, 12:10 PM
Our technology is far too powerful to share with civilians. That aside, it’s much too advanced for him to understand. I want to tell him ‘no’, but am trying to figure out how to say it politely.
Honestly, I think he would be star struck to hear from you! Haha.
Brent, 12:14 PM
I was thinking, when you make a video about the assassination attempt, you can respond to Elon at the end. Just gently let him down. You’re so charming and compassionate, that I know he won’t take it too hard. He’d be happy just to hear back from you.