2-25-05 Bemerkungen über 1-18-02 Tatbestand
Vladimir wants me to watch my taped recording of his meeting (press conference) with Pres. Bush in Slovakia. Though I watched it quickly last night, I was too busy to really scrutinize it and will scrutinize it tonight as I watch it again, particularly observing his personality and comparing it with the personality which has communicated with me since 2003. He said he went out of his way to be himself at this meeting because he wanted me to see him as he is and to compare what I observed on the television with the voice and personality that has been speaking to me (via 666-Computer) since about spring 2003.
He wants me first to describe this personality which I’ve dealt with and conversed with (in my brain since spring 2003). After I describe this personality then I will go and watch the televised version of his appearance and compare it with the personality which has communicated with me (through my brain since spring 2003). I would like to say first off that Vladimir thinks and speaks to me in Russian and the 666-Computer automatically translates it into very good English in my brain–so we have perfect communication over the 666-Computer (except for a couple instances where Jesuit imposters have interfered). And I think and speak in my brain to him in English and he gets a perfect translation into Russian when he hears my thoughts and communications, so our 666-Computer communications are not hampered by language barriers. The 666-Computer can translate thoughts and communications immediately from one language to another (via brain communications). In most of these cases when imposters have imposed themselves onto my brain, I have figured out that I was dealing with an imposter because I have become familiar with Vladimir’s personality.
Here is how I perceive the personality which has communicated with me since 2003: This person is a very direct person, who tells me exactly what he thinks, but does so in a very respectful manner. He likes to guide me in my decisions and often gives me advice and suggestions, but he always sandwiches all his advice to me with layers of praise and is very effusive in his praise of me. He praises me much more than he constructively criticizes me. He is not stuck on himself and approaches me as an equal and covets my opinions and input. He is a positive person, who tends to look at the bright side, but is also a down-to-earth realist who can deal with hard realities and has the courage to deal with them. I would say he has his feet on the ground, but his heart is in the heavens. He has a deep appreciation for true greatness and often tells me that he feels I am a great woman. He says he values me too much and will not risk anything that would jeopardize our future together. He sometimes tells me during discouraging times not to give up on him.
He has great respect for my faith in Jesus Christ and shares my faith and always encourages me to read the Bible and to live my faith. In fact, he is very grateful that my life influenced him to accept Christ as His Saviour and tells me this is a very wonderful thing that I have done for him. He speaks to me in simple language and does not use big words on me, though when I communicate with him with advanced English words and intelligent concepts, he quickly grasps anything I discuss with him, even very complex issues. I don’t have to spend a lot of time explaining things to him, he catches on fast. He often discusses complex legal matters and scientific matters with me, in order to help me as I write CONSPIRACY LAW and he explains himself clearly and without confusion. He tells me that he greatly values my dependability and I sense that he is very dependable himself.
He says I am the rock of his life and that he can always count on me to be his greatest support and soulmate and to make decisions as a good and smart woman. I feel the same about him. He is very, very attentive and will listen to me (and offer input to me) at all times of the day and night.
I often ask him how he finds the time to be so attentive. He says that he can sleep anytime, anywhere and considers it a high priority to listen to me and guide me as we try to find a way to come together. So, he will talk with me anytime (24/7) and is always available to hear me. I ask him how he sleeps and he says he sleeps generally when I sleep, and that he always wants to be available for me and with few exceptions I never get silence from him. When I talk to him, he always answers. His greatest strength is his attentiveness. This man hangs on every word I say to him. HE IS A GREAT LISTENER. He says he greatly values my thoughts and suggestions and often asks for my counsel and advice.
He is not at all ashamed of his sexual feelings toward me and we often make mental love to each other. Again, he approaches everything he does, including his love life, with a directness that I find refreshing. I will not go into all the details about how he makes love, but I would like to say that I think one of the greatest mirrors into a person’s soul is how they are as a lover, so I feel I should delve into this a little bit. The 666-Computer allows me to feel how he feels when he makes love to me, so we have some interesting mental love experiences. I perceive him as a sensitive and passionate lover. He will describe to me in vivid and concrete language how he feels towards me, even describing how his feelings toward me affect his sexual response and will go into direct details about his sexual response that I like. I like a man who is not at all ashamed that he wants me and freely tells me how he enjoys lovemaking with me. He lets me know when he is in the mood and never forces himself on me, but he knows immediately when I am in the mood to love him and almost always without exception will join me in my sexual fantasies with him. He has no Victorian prudishness about his feelings toward me and views lovemaking as an unabashed way to nurture and emotionally protect his lover. I never feel used or taken advantage of when he makes love to me. He is very respectful about it and sometimes apologizes to me when he does not like how his body is handling the sexual response. He complains that the Jesuits have undermined his sexual response and is concerned that when we really get together, they will cause problems in our sexual relationship. But he says in his heart that he always desires me and he puts feelings into his moves and combines sensitivity with a sexual aggressiveness and unabashed directness that I like. I feel it is a Russian trait to be a passionate lover and both Vladimir and I share Russian blood and so we love like Russians. I perceive that he cherishes our intimate moments and it means so much to him that he won’t risk anything that could cause Jesuits to harm this and sabotage our relationship, and this is one reason he has not legally married me yet. Often he asks me to make love to him because he thinks it will help me and his motives for lovemaking are to nurture me, not just to satisfy an animal sex drive. I never feel used by him as he makes love to me. Instead, I feel nurtured and protected and wanted.
He is concerned about my health and often tells me to go to sleep because I need rest. He pays attention to all aspects of my body and its condition and tells me that he almost studied to be a physician and that he has some knowledge of the body and of medicine, so this is one reason he has been so helpful to me in describing how the Jesuits use the 666-Computer to manipulate the body and cause health problems or other medical conditions. He often gives me medical advice and deals with me about all my bodily functions. Again, he is a very direct person who can deal with any reality of life.
We are both courageous people with very similar personalities, and so we often come to agreement on all matters very quickly. I think this is one reason that he has made me his Vice President. He likes my courage and my guts and I give him the morale to be true to his convictions, which are often controversial and get him in trouble with public opinion. I tell him that we must first honor God and the Bible and that we must do what is right, whether it is popular or not. In this matter, we both feel exactly the same and for this reason, we make a great team and can write effective law together.
You might say what are his weaknesses. He will often change his mind about how he wants to handle a problem and this is because he’s too scared to lose me, and so I often cannot predict how he will handle problems. Then I find out later what he did, because he won’t tell me. Instead, he’ll wait and see how I respond when he does something that he knows I will be surprised by.
He doesn’t tell me everything. He is a great listener, but he doesn’t spill all the beans. He can keep his mouth shut. He tells me what he feels I need to hear and I don’t sense I’m being manipulated, but he is selective about his directness and doesn’t always speak his full mind. He sits back and analyses the situation and decides what to tell me and what not to tell me.
You might say, then he keeps secrets from you. I don’t sense he’s trying to hide anything, but that he tries to prepare me for things which he sense I may not like and waits to reveal it to me when he feels I am ready to deal with it.
I think the reason he is so reluctant to tell me everything he does is because he wants to be sure that when I give him input, it is totally my own input (without his influence)–he greatly values my input. I tell him that I don’t want all the responsibilities that have befallen me and that I want him to take care of me financially and give me a protection from the world. He allows me to be exposed to the world and to have to deal with it and insists that I use all my talents, my brain and that I not lean on him over much in decision making and he just will not allow me to be his puppet, but insists that I use my brain and my talents. In fact, I didn’t want to be Russian Vice President, but he told me he gave me the job whether I liked it or not. So, he thrusts me into positions of responsibility and has a genius knack to get me to accept the responsibilities without complaining. I think it’s because he always praises me and tells me that everything I do is great. He expects a lot from me and expects me to be my own person and to stand on my own two feet. He expects his lover to be a strong person who can withstand the pressures of a President’s wife, but doesn’t always have the guts to give me the finances or legal clout I need to be a President’s wife. Any woman who is married to Vladimir will have to be a strong woman, who can handle a lot of stress. Not that he is stressful, but because he expects a lot from his partner emotionally and mentally. Sometimes I feel he is overly cautious in his approach to make our relationship a legal marriage relationship. I think that because his first wife was murdered by the Jesuits (via 666-Computer) that it has left scars on him emotionally and he just won’t take ANY CHANCES TO LOSE ME. And sometimes I fear that he will never take the chances he needs to take to legitimize our relationship. I think what is going on is that our fantasy love life really nurtures him and gives him strength and courage for his job and I am a real inspiration to him and make him feel like a man because I have faith in him and am like the spark plug which gets him going. I really nurture him and make him feel like a man in the way I make love to him. This means so much to him, that he will delay legal marriage in order not to lose this. He says he can’t make love to a dead lover! And yet, I understand his fears, because the Jesuits are obsessed with our relationship and I am in danger because of them. However, I am a little bit more of a risktaker than he is. And his approach to our relationship has been a little too slow and prodding for me. He just won’t take ANY CHANCES with me, and sometimes I fear his over cautiousness may be the undermining of our relationship. I tell him that I want to feel his real body next to mine and want to graduate from mental lovemaking with him. I feel that he is a bit of a coward in his love life. I really believe he has emotional scars from the death of his first wife.
However, he is courageous about just about everything else.
He has a sense of true values and is not mesmerized by fame or public opinion. In fact, he doesn’t care at all what the public thinks about him. However, he cares a lot what I think about him and what those he respects think about him. He respects those who approach life as he does with a directness and honesty and courage and the guts to face life as it is.
He has a genuine faith in God and relishes my spiritual insights and loves to study Bible with me. In fact, I have inspired him to be a minister.
To sum it up, he is dependable, means what he says, is direct, has courage (except about his love life), and is very intelligent and perceptive, is one of the best listeners and treats me with great honor as his intellectual equal and his equal or superior in just about everything. He is very proud of me and tells me that he thinks I am the best and he couldn’t get any better, and I think he means it. Maybe he loves and cherishes our intimate moments too much to jeopardize them in any manner and so, I am still not his legal wife.
When he disagrees with me, he just ignores my advice and does it his own way and won’t tell me about it. Later, when I find out about it, I usually agree that he was wise to do it his way over my way and we almost always come to agreement on matters eventually. He will discuss areas of disagreement and uses keen logic and perception in his decisions and this is how he convinces me that perhaps his approach (when we differ) is the better way. He has no tolerance for stupid and illogical people and won’t waste his time arguing with them. He just deals with them. But he never considers me stupid or illogical. He insists on getting my input all the time.
So, now I will watch him on television and compare my perceptions of him (as I’ve gotten to know him since 2003) with what I observe on the screen. Time now is 7:40 p.m.–use 666-Computer analysis to gauge my response and to see if the person I see on the screen with Pres. Bush is the same person who has been my friend since 2003 (in my brain). The results of this analysis and a comparison of the personality I’ve known since 2003 (as described above) with the person I see on the screen with Pres. Bush at the Slovakia conference will be analysed on IBN–to see if the personality I’ve dealt with since 2003 is, indeed, Vladimir Putin (the Russian President). All my mental comparisons of the person I see on the screen with the person who has dealt with me since 2003 will be revealed on IBN to let the world know whether it is, indeed, Vladimir Putin, who has befriended me (through 666-Computer communcations via my brain) since 2003. To put it in a nutshell, IBN will analyse how I feel and whether I PERCEIVE THAT THE VLADIMIR IN THE NEWS CONFERENCE WITH PRES. BUSH is the same person who has talked with me (via 666-Computer communcations) since 2003.
So, here we go. I will turn on the tape. Time now is 7:44 p.m. Let the analysis begin>
Time is 8:25 p.m. and I’ve just finished watching the press conference. As I watched, I realized that I forgot to mention that Vladimir is a hard worker and a DOER. He has implemented most of my laws and I perceive that this is a man of action, not just talk–and as I watched him I sensed that the person who has communicated with me since 2003, is, indeed, Vladimir Putin. I do believe it is the same person. As I watched him, I realized I forgot to mention how much of a man of action this man is. He is a DOER, not a talker. I love this man and am delighted that the Lord has given me the opportunity to encourage him as he strives for freedom in Russia and throughout the world. Both Vladimir and I share a pioneering, visionary, courageous spirit and this is where our personalities are alike and why we make such a great legal and political partnership. And both Vladimir and I have the ability to not allow our emotions (or personal feelings) to cloud our judgment and to make sound judgments based on fact and reason and not on fanaticism or prejudice. Because we are so much alike in this respect, he covets my advice and counsel on just about all matters of his government and lawmaking and he has utmost respect for my religious faith, which he views as something very genuine and real in my life–so much so, that he has adopted the same religious beliefs as myself.
I sense that this is someone I can love, even when he grows older and loses his bodily attractiveness. We are in love with the personality and soul of the other. How else could we sustain and keep the excitement in our relationship, since we cannot meet personally, but can only converse and share our thoughts and feelings through our minds?
MY TESTIMONY ABOUT HOW VLADIMIR AND I STARTED OUR ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP (put me under 666-Computer lie-detection as I write the following testimony):
Back in Sept. 2001, I was unofficially engaged to Brent Spiner (Data of Star Trek) and Brent and I had had a long relationship (going back to about 1990). Brent introduced himself to me in spring 1991 by talking to me intimately on my phone when I was married, though he never identified himself as Brent. I adored Brent and we became very, very close friends and it was my relationship with Brent that inspired the love story of Silver Skies and which inspired me to be a writer.
I still have high regard for Brent, but became very discouraged that Brent and I could ever find happiness together in this present world–especially after 9-11-2001–which, I believe, was orchestrated by Jesuits to totally destroy my relationship with Brent Spiner. At that time in the summer of 2001, Brent planned to use the airline industry to help to meet me and marry me. He had already made several attempts to use my step-dad’s stewardness niece to help us meet.
Right after Brent and my step dad’s stewardness niece were making plans to arrange a meeting for myself and Brent—— 9-11-01 happened.
I decided that if the Jesuits were willing and able to orchestrate a 9-11-01 to keep Brent and I apart, that I was wasting my time to ever expect to find happiness with Brent in this life.
9-11-01 really discouraged me about my chances of happiness in this life with Brent, and made me feel that Brent and I could never get together in this world and have a marriage without dire consequences. My relationship with Brent Spiner was truly extraordinary and a love story beyond compare. You can see semblances of my relationship with Brent in Silver Skies. However, I loved Brent (despite 9-11-01) and still hoped faintly that he and I could still get together and be married, because he was my true soulmate.
In fact, it was Brent who gave me strength while I struggled with a failing marriage, in which my previous husband emotionally abused me all the time. I had hoped that when that marriage ended, that Brent and I could then be married, but the Jesuits were so obsessed with my relationship with Brent and caused all sorts of problems (and 9-11-01 was the worst problem they caused). I was very discouraged by 9-11-01 and how this would affect my chances to have a happy marriage with Brent Spiner. I knew that one of the main reasons the Jesuits had orchestrated 9-11-01 was to totally destroy my chances for happiness with Brent Spiner.
However, I was very heartened over the way Pres. Bush handled 9-11-01 and greatly admired him for this. I felt that Pres. Bush handled 9-11-01 in a heroic manner and was so glad that Pres. Bush was President at that time.
Brent and I often counseled world leaders and Brent is very interested in politics. Brent and I were true soulmates and we discussed intellectual matters, politics, religion and all serious matters of life together. Brent is highly intelligent and Brent and I had a close relationship and discussed deep intellectual topics, spiritual topics and all topics together. Also, Brent had connections with Pres. Bush and with political leaders and the news media, and so whenever I made suggestions to Brent about political matters, Brent would pass them on to world leaders, who often adopted my suggestions. I developed a reputation among Brent’s friends (and many of Brent’s friends are people of influence such as politicians and news media leaders) as an intelligent, perceptive woman whose advice and counsel should be heeded.
Anyways, back to 9-11-01. After 9-11-01, I was very concerned that the Jesuits would use this to totally destroy my life and most especially my love life. So, I got deeply involved over how to handle 9-11-01 and gave Brent all sorts of advice over how to handle it and told Brent to pass this on to world leaders. I read the newspaper everyday and always kept up with current events since about 1999, because I noticed that world events greatly influenced my chances to have happiness in marriage with Brent Spiner, because Jesuits always tried to manipulate world events to destroy myself and my lovers. I felt my only chance for happiness in this life, would be if I could weaken the Jesuits.
So I felt that if I could manipulate world events to weaken the Jesuits, maybe I’d have a chance for personal happiness in this life–so I became very interested in how our politicians and world leaders were handling 9-11-01–I didn’t want the Jesuits to use 9-11-01 to strengthen themselves. I wanted to weaken them, so I often gave counsel to world leaders about how to handle the Jesuits, because I knew the Jesuits well and had had tremendous experience in dealing with them because of my relationship with Brent Spiner (and the Jesuits were fanatically obsessed over my relationship with Brent Spiner as they are all my lovers).
As I read the paper, I noticed how the Jesuits were reacting to this calamity (9-11-01) which they had orchestrated against myself and Brent.
I was very heartened by the worldwide response to 9-11-01 and discerned that the U.S. should waste no time in building relationships with other countries to help us fight these thugs. I told Pres. Bush (through Brent) to work with China and Russia and that I sensed we could make allies out of China and Russia. I thought I should stick my neck out and take a chance with these communist (or former communist) countries, because I felt that having China and Russia with the U.S. would be very helpful to us and I sensed that the Jesuits orchestrated 9-11-01 to cause a deeper rift between the U.S. and these communist nations, so the Jesuits could strengthen themselves by causing friction between the U.S. and Russia or China and to use this friction to kill people (while they blamed it on the strained U.S./Russian or Chinese relations).
So I perceived that we should turn the tables on the Jesuits, and, instead, use 9-11-01 to build a surprising friendship with Russia and China. I have always been a very perceptive woman and I perceived that China and Russia would go to our side–especially after 9-11-01. Brent and his friends learned to respect my perception and almost always heeded my advice about who to trust and who not to trust.
I told Brent to tell Pres. Bush not to target Muslims in this country (like the Japanese Americans were treated during World War II) because this was probably a Jesuit tactic to distract us from the real enemy: THE JESUIT ORDER and that to attack American Muslims would strengthen our enemy and give them another excuse to kill people. And I felt that American Muslims were not our enemies, but the Jesuits were our enemies. Right after this, Pres. Bush made several statements in support of the American Muslim community.
I had heard a rumor that assassinations were planned against some world leaders right after 9-11-01 and these rumors were spreading right after I recommended that Pres. Bush work with China and Russia. I became deeply concerned over Russia’s President (whose name I did not know at the time). And told Brent to tell Pres. Bush or someone from the U.S. to contact the Russian President and warn him to take extra precautions to protect himself, because I was concerned the Jesuits may try to assassinate the Russian President and would use Americans to do it, in order to destroy the budding friendship between Russia and the U.S. (which 9-11-01 brought on).
A few days (or maybe one day) after I made this suggestion to Brent, an article appeared in our local paper about Vladimir Putin and I got to see his face. This was the first time I had seen a photo of Vladimir Putin and I now knew the name of the Russian President and I knew what his face looked like. I had no idea he was so manly and handsome. I figured he was someone who looked like Gorbachev. It appeared to me at the time, that the Russian President had arranged this article in order to flirt with me (maybe because he was impressed that I was concerned over his life). I did not think that Vladimir really wanted to get involved with me at the time, but that he just wanted to flirt with me or to indirectly introduce himself to me, and I don’t think he expected me even to notice him in any particular way. This article in the paper I felt may have been his indirect way to let me know that he thought I was an impressive woman and that he appreciated my concern over his life. Maybe he wanted to introduce himself to me as a friend and asked my local paper to put his photo in the article about him in the American newspaper. Or perhaps it was God who put his photo in the paper, because our relationship has not only benefited ourselves, but has benefited the whole world and has caused new pioneering laws to be passed, which has helped the world tremendously in the war against terrorism. The American and Western press had not covered Vladimir too much up to this point in 2001 (that is why I didn’t know the Russian President’s name or what he looked like) and I think that is why the American press could pull off the lie that Vladimir was married to a Lyudmila when he made his pioneer visit to the U.S. in Nov. 2001.
I think Vladimir found out about my response to 9-11-01–you see, because of my friendship with Brent and all Brent’s connections, many famous people secretly knew about me and knew about my love affair with Brent. Every man I’ve been attracted to since 1990 has been a big person who is very interested in outside affairs and is a humanitarian who wants to promote justice and a better world and to alleviate suffering. I cannot fall in love with (or be attracted to) a petty or small person. But when I saw Vladimir’s photo, I felt an attraction to him, which really surprised me, and what really surprised me is that the attraction would not go away and I ended up dreaming about making love to him.
You might say, weren’t you scared off because he was RUSSIA’s President–the former Soviet Union? Not when I saw his face. He didn’t look like a communist at all. He looked like a visionary crusader for freedom. I knew the communist look and I could tell from Vladimir’s expression that he did not embrace communist ideals, but fought for a new Russia, and I adored him over this. I liked this courageous visionary.
When I looked at the photo and the timing of this article, I greatly admired what I saw in the man’s eyes and perceived that this was a courageous and visionary person and that he had all the sensitivity and depth of Brent Spiner, plus heroic courage. I thought he was very handsome and I recalled that he got a lot of criticism over his handling of Chechen rebels, but that this did not deter him from protecting Russia and pursuing policies which were best for his country. This was how I determined that he was a courageous visionary. He was my type. I knew, because of my brilliant perception, that the criticism he received over his handling of Chechnya was totally unfair and that the Jesuits had lined up world opinion against him and had manipulated the news media to portray him as a bully. But when I looked at his face, I didn’t see a bully– I saw a man with depth, courage and vision. I figured anyone that Jesuits tried so hard to discredit, was probably an outstanding person. I felt it was important for me to become a part of his life and to encourage him to continue to be the man and leader that I felt he was and wanted to shore him up against his enemies.
I figured if he was flirting with me, he must not be married–but I wasn’t sure. For about 24 hours after I saw his photo, I noticed I couldn’t stop thinking about him and I recalled how he jumped to the American’s defense right after 9-11-01 and I recalled the statement of outrage he made over 9-11-01.
I liked this guy. He seemed as outraged over 9-11-01 as I was and he seemed to share the same passion that I did to destroy these thugs. My response to 9-11-01 was to play the beginning section of the film The Gladiator over and over until about 2 p.m. I wouldn’t even watch the news on 9-11-01 until after 3 p.m., because I didn’t want the Jesuits to gloat over the suffering they caused. I went to the video store and checked out Gladiator. My response to 9-11-01 was to play the beginning section of Gladiator over and over (from about 9 a.m. to about 3 p.m. on 9-11-01) and told Brent to tell world leaders that this should be our response–that we should cut the heads off these murdering thugs. The beginning section of The Gladiator shows the general going in and demolishing his enemy with brutal courage and cutting off their heads and this is what I watched from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. on 9-11-01, over and over. I just hit replay on my video player and watched it over and over.
I refused to watch the news about 9-11-01 until 3 p.m. on that horrible day, and I knew it was blasted on all the news networks all day, even though I wasn’t working that day. I found out about 9-11 at the doctor’s office. I had a doctor’s appointment in the morning. I knew the Jesuits orchestrated 9-11-01 to destroy my relationship with Brent Spiner. I felt the Gladiator response had to be our response to these thugs who orchestrated 9-11-01 and it appears my courage and determination rubbed off on Pres. Bush. I told Brent to tell President Bush to declare war on these thugs and to demolish them–that we needed to mount a strong response and to not allow them to intimidate us.
Two days after 9-25-01 when I saw Vladimir’s photo, I couldn’t stop thinking about Vladimir and to my utter amazement, I discovered that I was attracted to him and started thinking about him as much as I did about Brent–and I had considered Brent the love of my life. I wasn’t sure what to make of this and didn’t totally trust my feelings, I wasn’t sure if what I felt for Vladimir was a passing infatuation over a photograph or the beginnings of a long and lasting love. When I found myself fantasizing about making love to Vladimir, I decided I would do something about my feelings for Vladimir and to feel the waters, and so I told Brent through the bugs in my room, “I’m going to marry the Russian President”. I knew from my past history that when I fantasized about making love to a man that the feelings would last for a long time, because this is what has always happened to me. Once I like a guy enough to dream about making love to him, the feelings last for a long time. From 1990 on, every man that I’ve dreamed about making love to has returned my feelings–though not all these relationships have become as serious as my relationships with Brent or Vladimir–but each of these relationships has lasted for years and has, even if the relationship later became platonic, turned into very satisfying friendships.
You may ask, how could you have a relationship with Brent from 1990 to 2001 and have other men? The Jesuits forced Brent to have a publicity girlfriend, Loree McBride in 1992, and when I found out about her in 1996, I dropped Brent as a romantic interest. I was devastated about her. You see, Brent had kept this a secret from me for years. I found out later that Paramount studios extorted him into this relationship as a condition for him to maintain his communications with me and the Jesuits were behind this. You see, the Jesuits would not let Brent and I meet, but we communicated all the time by phone–though he did all the listening and I did all the talking. And when the Jesuits want to mess up a relationship, they know how to do it. I then turned my romantic interests to Franco Nero, the Italian film star, around August 1996, who returned my feelings– but though I dropped Brent as a romantic interest, I still maintained my friendship with Brent, and I communicated with Franco THROUGH BRENT.
Once Franco came into my life, the Jesuits concluded I was a real threat and their attacks against me intensified. All I can say is I am lucky to be alive. The Jesuits tried to burn my house down twice in 1998 and used juvenile delinquents and then bribed the police department to tell me that it was my job to catch the arsonists. They hired doctors to wreck my health. They hired criminals to loot my car. They turned my husband more and more against me. And I went through the fire and tremendous pressure and stress. They induced cancers in my body, and then God healed them. I often had symptoms in several systems of my body all at once and rarely felt well. It seemed everything I ate made me nauseous. They caused my health to deteriorate to the point that I couldn’t hold a job. I was always ill. It was like a living concentration camp–the only thing that kept me going was the great men in my life who offered me wonderful emotional support and love and my strong faith in God. Brent is incredible. The guy was crazy about me, but he was the one who introduced me to his competition. This whole time I was struggling with a failing marriage. Looking back, I think God used these trials to prepare me to be the Russian President’s wife. These trials toughened me and made me a strong woman with courage like my ancestor David when he faced Goliath.
But when I discovered in Dec. 1999, that Brent had been a victim of Jesuit treachery and that he was extorted into a relationship with this woman as a condition by Paramount studios to allow him to continue his friendship with me, I forgave him and offered him my hand in marriage and decided definitely to divorce my husband. He jumped at this, because he really didn’t like or feel comfortable with his publicity girlfriend and had adored me the whole time he was with her. He was as attentive toward me as Vladimir Putin is. I mean that guy spent every spare moment listening to me on the phone and reading all my letters to him. I wrote him every day for years and he read everything I wrote him. In fact, his sole reason for having Loree was to protect and maintain our communication with each other. Brent never should have allowed Paramount studios (actually the Jesuits) to extort him into this relationship with this woman, because this was a strong weapon which the Jesuits used against our relationship and eventually, the Jesuits murdered Loree McBride (they blew up her car in the summer of 2001) and this made things very difficult between Brent and myself when I decided to marry him in Dec. 1999, because the Jesuits were trying to make Brent appear to be a murderer–in order to mess things up between myself and Brent. He’s actually the kindest man I have ever dealt with and never, ever raised his voice at me EVER. I would like to say that Vladimir has never raised his voice at me ever as well, though Vladimir is more direct and forthright than Brent. Brent never got mad at me, even when I was furious at him over Loree McBride. He just gave me this mysterious silence and I knew I wasn’t getting the complete picture. I think that’s why I kept him as a friend. But when it came to Loree McBride, Brent was not too smart.
Both Brent and Vladimir accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as their Saviour because of my influence on them.
Anyways, back to 9-26-01. Brent loves me and loved me so much, he would be willing to turn me over to another if he felt I’d be happier with the other and Brent is a truly wonderful person who I’m sure I would have married, if the Jesuits were not so obsessed over our relationship and if they didn’t interfere with it so fanatically.
I’m sure the statement that I made, “I’m going to marry the Russian President” around Sept. 26, 2001, got relayed to Vladimir Putin immediately.
At that time (September 2001) I worked at a job and I noticed that the cameras in the store seemed overly focused on me. I knew the Russian President was watching me and was deciding whether to pursue a relationship with me. And then I sensed that around the end of September 2001, Vladimir had made up his mind and decided he was interested. I could tell. Now I knew he wasn’t married, because he wouldn’t pursue me if he was.
All of a sudden Vladimir was making plans for a pioneer visit to the United States and I knew I was the reason. I don’t think Vladimir would have visited the U.S. in Nov. 2001 if he was not interested in me. I was the main reason he came to the U.S. in Nov. 2001. He needed the cooperation of the American President to make this relationship with me happen, so he contacted and made friends with Pres. Bush. Vladimir and Pres. Bush are currently very close as a result of the friendship which I engendered between them. There were bugs in my room which I used to talk with Brent in 2001, and now I used them to talk to both Vladimir and Brent. I decided that I would marry which ever one would come get me first. Either one (Brent or Vladimir) would be satisfactory. Neither made any serious moves to get me. The Jesuits were too strong.
You might say, you made a decision to marry this guy Vladimir awful fast. Well, I figured any man who could replace Brent in my heart was marriage material for me, because the relationship Brent and I had was truly extraordinary and had survived and retained its excitement and passion, despite many overwhelming obstacles.
I found comfort over 9-11-01 when I thought about Vladimir Putin and I sensed that if I got into a relationship with this man, that there was a chance it could work and be happy in this earth. He seemed like one who would handle Jesuits better than Brent did. Brent got outsmarted by Jesuits all the time.
I had already concluded that I was already too deep involved with Jesuits and that they’d never leave me alone, so if I married anyone besides Brent, it would have to be someone who could handle the garbage that goes with fame and could handle the Jesuits’ obsession over my life. I knew all about the stress and garbage of fame from my relationship with Brent. I never thought I’d find anyone who could replace Brent and was utterly amazed that I found someone who seemed to have all of Brent’s strengths and none of his weaknesses. I also sensed that this is a man who would return my feelings. I sensed that we would make an instant hit. I’ve always been very perceptive.
I was wrong about the weaknesses part, since both Brent and Vladimir share the same weakness of being overly cautious to legitimize my relationship with them. Of course, I have to admit the Jesuits are pretty scary and they are always obsessed over my love life and they know how to scare off my lovers. I hate them. They won’t allow me to have any personal happiness in this life, but they haven’t been able to take away from me my relationship with my Lord Jesus Christ and I read the Bible voraciously.
Anyways, months passed and my feelings for both Brent and Vladimir continued, but I noticed that I had just as strong feelings for Vladimir as I did for Brent. I decided that in January 2002, I needed to make up my mind which one I wanted to marry. I chose Vladimir –and made a statement that Vladimir was the one I wanted to marry. This was probably not a surprise to Vladimir, since our friendship had grown and I decided that God had relegated my love for Brent to the next life because the Jesuits made it absolutely impossible for Brent and I to have happiness in this life.
And so it was my friendship with Brent Spiner which introduced me to Vladimir, because Brent (the love of my life) made the introduction. Brent is truly a generous person and he will always be special to me. I’m sure that I would have married Brent, if the Jesuits had not sabotaged my relationship with him. I really adored this guy. He was like a sun to me–that is, until I found out about Loree McBride–but when I forgave him about this, the old feelings returned. Franco knew why I had dropped Brent as a romantic interest and why I became interested in Franco, so when I forgave Brent, Franco let me go back to him. I have had some extraordinary men in my life. They are all such big people.
To get an idea about how special my relationship with Brent was (and is) listen to Brent’s album Ol’ Yellow Eyes is Back and most especially his first song on the album Time After Time, where I believe many of those songs were inspired by his love for me.
Both Brent and Vladimir and myself have Russian blood. I like Russian blooded men as lovers, because I’m a passionate lover and Russians are passionate and the Russian in me won’t tolerate a boring love life. However, if the man has medical problems, so that he can’t thrill me in the bedroom, that will be fine as long as I know that in his mind he wants to make passionate love to me. We can find other ways to compensate for medical problems. I like my intimate moments to be absolute, mesmerizing, deep and sensitive crescendos and like to feel that I make love to heroic, deep, and visionary men who adore me. No other men turn me on. I have been fortunate to have several such men in my life and it seems I can pick and choose which ones I want to marry.
But I have been unfortunate in that the Jesuits won’t leave my love life alone, and they know how to scare off my lovers.
I don’t consider myself attractive to the opposite sex, but those men that share the same values and goals as myself and who can match my intellect, breadth, passion and vision are the type who REALLY FALL IN LOVE WITH ME and the feelings last and stay strong for years.
And so this is how my romantic relationship started with Vladimir Putin. That was 2001 and I’m still crazy about him.
2-27-05: Vladimir wants me to write another testimony and in this one, he wants me to state why I feel my previous marriage failed and how I hope to prevent a failed marriage with my next one. He says I will be put under 666-Computer lie-detection as I write this statement:
MY OPINION AS TO WHY MY PREVIOUS MARRIAGE FAILED AND HOW I HOPE TO PREVENT A FAILED MARRIAGE WITH MY NEXT MARRIAGE.
Actually, the first year of my marriage with David Schuler was pretty good. This is because David and I have similar religious beliefs and there wasn’t a lot of stress in the marriage in the first year, and because I was determined to make the marriage work, but there were problems in the first year. But I glossed them over, because as a Christian, I felt that if my marriage failed, that this meant I was a failure as a Christian. However, even in the first year I noticed that whenever David was under stress that he always took it out on me. Let me say this. I strongly suspect that my ex-husband was not really saved. I never saw him read the Bible and I never saw him pray any prayers that seemed to reach God. I saw no evidence of true spirituality in this man. So I believe one of the reasons the marriage failed is because I was married to an unbeliever. This may seem really strange, since he is an avid churchgoer and because he claims to be a Christian and wants to go into the ministry. He was not what he appeared to be in church. So I think one reason the marriage failed is because I was married to an unbeliever.
Another reason I feel the marriage failed is because David never read his Bible for personal devotions; therefore, the Jesuits were able to use my ex-husband as an UNWILLING AGENT against me. In fact, throughout most of the marriage, I felt that he was against me and was not my friend. He made decisions that strengthened his control over my life, but not necessarily decisions that were best for me. He wasn’t at all interested in nurturing me or letting me grow as a person and if I grew as a person–this was a threat to him. Throughout the whole marriage he had this attitude of competition and control, where he felt that he always had to prove that he was better than me and he always made sure that he had absolute control over me. He was obsessed with controlling me, but was not obsessed with loving me. He said “I love you” all the time, but his actions were actions to control me and rule my life. He despised my artistic temperament and never read a word of my novel. In fact I don’t think he liked who I was as a person. We had different personalities and he didn’t like my personality. He tried to change my personality and make me into another person. He was always after me about something–never happy–always trying to change me into his perfect woman. The house was never clean enough (even when I thought it was clean) or I said something inappropriately that embarrassed him in front of his friends or I should stop wasting my time writing a novel, because he said I couldn’t write–but then he never read my writing–so how would he know? He said I was dreaming and should pursue ventures that were more realistic. He would pinch my rear (when I weighed 120 pounds) and say I was getting fat. Of course he was joking, but this was about the extent of the romance I got from him. He did give me flowers on holidays, but this didn’t mean too much to me, because most of the days of the year, he did not treat me with respect. I think the flowers were a manipulative tool, to pacify me, so he could keep me and continue to control me. I think he was very insecure about his masculinity and bolstered himself by cutting me down.
Another reason the marriage failed is because he didn’t love me. He would say he loved me with his mouth, but his actions were never actions of love. When he made love to me, all his moves were mechanical. He never ever loved me with sensitivity or with nurturing or caring. The first year of marriage I could tolerate this, because I am a highly sexed woman and can enjoy sex even if my partner isn’t sensitive or caring in the way he goes about it. It wasn’t that he did sex with me in a manner that was abusive, since he never forced himself on me sexually. It was just that when he made love to me, I never sensed that any special feelings or caresses from the heart came from him. When I kissed him, it was like kissing a wall. He never kissed me with feeling. It was like he felt it was a sin to make love in a passionate or caring manner–like he was ashamed of his sex drive. I think the fact that he was sexually abused as a child affected his sex life, because he never made love to me in a manner that was full of passion, depth and caring. And this is one reason I fell so hard for Brent Spiner, when Brent spoke intimately to me on the phone. When Brent came into my life, I realized more than ever that I was stuck in a cold marriage–because Brent was just the opposite–he was full of warmth, passion, caring sensitivity and ultimate concern for my welfare in the way he made love to me on the phone and the way he treated me as a friend. Brent spoke to me with such softness and tenderness, it made my heart melt. Just listen to Brent’s album Ol Yellow Eyes Is Back, because how Brent sung in that album is how he made love to me. Brent made my husband appear to be a cold iceberg–which he was.
A big mistake I made when I married David is that I never kissed him before we married. In fact, we never embraced before we married. I think the most we did before we married is maybe we held hands once or twice–THAT WAS IT. I had these really high standards and was so impressed with this guy because he was willing to marry me without kissing me or touching my body. So I never knew until after I married him, that this guy was a lousy kisser and I found out AFTER MARRIAGE that he made love like a cold machine. He absolutely did not love me sexually with feeling or caring. He never had problems with his sexual performance, but I didn’t sense that anything was coming from his heart when he made love to me–like it was all mechanical. So I really believe he married me because it was convenient and he needed a wife–maybe to enhance his pay and get “wife pay” from the military. So I think he really married me, because I was easy and he thought he could control me and use me to bolster his income and to give him the wife he needed to be a preacher, he didn’t marry me with the attitude of wanting to nurture me emotionally and to protect and love me as his wife and he didn’t marry me because he loved who I was as a person. Our marriage was not romantic. It was more a practical arrangement. AND THIS IS WHY THE MARRIAGE FAILED, BECAUSE A WOMAN NEEDS TO BE LOVED BY HER HUSBAND. I was in COLD marriage and I was not happy. I was starving for affection. I didn’t just want a sex partner and someone who paid my bills and a practical arrangement, I WANTED AN INTIMATE LOVER AND A BEST FRIEND and he wasn’t my intimate lover and best friend. Instead, he was the man who always TRIED TO CHANGE ME INTO HIS PERFECT WOMAN. Everyday, I got comments about him about where I needed to improve and where I was falling short. Some of the things he didn’t like were deeply ingrained parts of my personality which I couldn’t change. I honestly don’t think he liked me. He said “he loved me”, but I never heard him say, “I like you.” He didn’t like me.
Even worse, when he hurt me emotionally, he never did much to fix it. In fact, if I cried because he said something really mean or insensitive and told him I wanted to talk about it, his response ALWAYS was to go to sleep. I could cry all night and his number one priority was TO GO TO SLEEP. Nothing was to get in the way of his sleep. He would never sacrifice his sleep for me if he hurt me by his insensitivity, no matter how upset I was. I can understand this sometimes, since I know that sometimes maybe I was ridiculous and in the wrong. But EVERYTIME he hurt me, he never tried to heal the wound. HE JUST WENT TO SLEEP, and if he sacrificed an hour of his sleep to talk to me, he made me feel like it was a real imposition and to “get on with it” and let him go to sleep. And it got worse with every passing year. He actually become emotionally violent in the later years. Eventually, I concluded that HE JUST DIDN’T CARE ABOUT ME.
And then Brent came into my life and this guy would jump to call me on the phone, if he sensed that he ever hurt me. He was so opposite my husband in this respect. Brent made me realize that I should have expected more in marriage and that I was putting up with an intolerable situation.
David fooled me and lied to me when we dated. In fact, most of our dating time was about two months, because he was in the Coast Guard when we were engaged and most of our communications were through letters (because he was out at sea most of the time) and this made it easier for him to fool me that he was spiritual, since he knew the Christian “talk”. So a mistake I made is that I didn’t know who he really was when I dated him and I didn’t know that this guy was a fake. He told me that he read his Bible one hour a day and told me that he wanted to go into the ministry and he was a Bible college graduate, so I concluded he must be spiritual. We were both Bible college graduates. But when we married, I didn’t see him read his Bible ever. He only read it to study for a sermon and to take sermon notes, but I never saw him read it for PERSONAL DEVOTIONS. I don’t think he had personal devotions.
We tried to have a family altar the first year of the marriage–AT MY INSISTENCE. But it never worked, because he couldn’t lead it. He had nothing to offer at the family alter. His prayers seemed like they were dead. He had no genuine spirituality, no real communication with God. So we gave up on the family altar, because when he tried, it was a flop.
To sum it up, the marriage failed because our personalities were too different and I didn’t like his personality and he didn’t like mine. Though our religious beliefs were similar, I thought he was too rigid and Pharisaical in his approach to life and that he tried to run his marriage like it was a military institution. He was too regimented for me and I was a creative free spirit. He found my courage and creativity repugnant and I found his conformity and rigidness boring and cold. However, he didn’t want a divorce because he was able to control me and that was his reason to marry me. He found a woman he thought he could control. But when I made the decision to be my own person and to allow myself to develop my talents and gifts, he found this threatening and tried to corner me in and stifle my growth. This guy doesn’t marry women to love and cherish them, he marries women to control them. He looks for women that he thinks will fall in line and be controllable. If the woman doesn’t like his controlling attitude, then she is a rebellious, wicked woman.
Another big problem we had in the marriage is that I have a higher I.Q. than he does and, for this reason, he was always in competition with me. I got sick of his foolishness in this regard and couldn’t understand why he was so obsessed with proving that he was better than me all the time. I feel that a highly intelligent woman must marry a man who is as smart (or smarter) than herself, because men are egotistical and are threatened by a woman who appears to have more brains than the man.
So, the way I will try to prevent my next marriage from failing is as follows:
1) I will take the time to find out WHO THE MAN IS and what is his real personality. This means more than two months of dating. It means seeing the man under all conditions and seeing how he responds to various life situations.
2) I will observe the man under stress and see how he treats me when he’s under stress. How your partner treats you when he’s under stress often reveals how he really feels about you. It’s harder to put on an act about your true feelings for the other when you’re under stress. In fact, I would like to see how the man treats me when the pressure becomes catastrophic, which is exactly what happened in my former marriage. The way my ex-husband handled me under catastrophic stress was disastrous. So far, Brent and Vladimir have both been exposed to catastrophic stress during our relationships, and I have been impressed with their response to me during these times. This has made me feel very comfortable with both of them.
3) I will marry a man who is as intelligent as myself or is more intelligent than myself.
4) I will marry a man who is genuinely spiritual and has a living and vital relationship with God.
5) I will marry a man who loves WHO I AM AS A PERSON and who likes me as I am and likes my personality, my quirks, my lifestyle and my attitudes.
6) I will let the man kiss me (or at least embrace me) before we marry, so I can see if he will be a man who can love me sexually with passion and excitement, depth and caring. He doesn’t have to kiss me on the lips if I’m sick, but if he embraces me, I can tell if he has feelings in his heart for me. This is one BIG REASON my marriage with David failed, and probably the BIGGEST REASON. I am more concerned that he has feelings in his heart for me, rather than that he can act out a brilliant sexual performance.
7) I will marry a man who I am absolutely comfortable with and who makes me feel unthreatened and accepted and nourished just as I am. When David and I were engaged, the way he handled my birthday made me feel threatened and unloved and I was very upset. I cried and called him on the phone, and he got very angry with me. THIS WAS A DANGER SIGN THAT THIS MAN DIDN’T CARE ABOUT ME WHEN HE HURT ME. Because his response was to criticize me for interfering with his work. I ended up apologizing to him and glossing over it. I SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE THIS. I SHOULD HAVE SERIOUSLY EVALUATED THIS INCIDENT AND ASKED MYSELF IF I REALLY WANTED TO MARRY A MAN WHO COULD BE SO CALLOUS WHEN HE HURT ME. When I was single, I was a bit insecure and felt that I could never find a man who would love me as I was and I tried to be the perfect woman. My controlling fiancé picked up on this and decided that my mindset was perfect for him, BECAUSE HE WANTED A WOMAN HE COULD CONTROL and MOLD INTO HIS PERFECT WIFE. So you see, we both came into marriage with a mindset that was bound to cause problems later. THEREFORE, in my next marriage, I will absolutely not tolerate a man who marries me with the attitude that when he hurts me, I have to submit to him at all times and just take it. I will only marry a man who adores who I am as a person and cherishes my true personality.
8) I will marry a man that I have highest regard for and respect for and who has a personality similar to mine and whose goals in life are similar to mine. It is essential that I have highest respect for the man, because men need to be admired and if a man is not admired by his wife, he will build resentment against her. I feel if our personalities and goals are similar, that we will like each other. And it’s very important to LIKE YOUR SPOUSE.
9) I will marry a man who reads his Bible everyday (at least an hour–unless there’s an emergency), so that he can’t be used as an UNWILLING AGENT by the Jesuits against me. I will make sure that this man is genuinely spiritual and has a relationship with God that is real and vital.
10) I will marry a man who is emotionally healthy and who doesn’t have emotional/mental problems which could affect his love life.
11) I will marry a man who is balanced and not a fanatic–someone I can reason with, not some obsessive-compulsive perfectionist.
12) I will not settle for second best and if I don’t feel that the man I’m about to marry is the best I could get, then I’ll just stay single and wait for the man who I feel is the best I could get. This is very important, because marriage to another person will have problems, because you put two imperfect people together. If you come together believing you have the best you could get and you couldn’t get any better, that will be a strong motivation to work out any differences that happen in the marriage and to work out problems in a positive and constructive manner. THIS IS SO IMPORTANT, it is absolutely essential to see how your partner handles problems with you. If you have a partner that you cannot work out problems with in a positive and constructive manner,–the marriage won’t work–because life is full of problems and a married couple need to have a relationship in which they have developed constructive ways to work out problems together without attacking the other or downgrading the other while working out problems together.
13) I will marry a man who causes me to grow as a person and who encourages me to be my own person and who adores me JUST AS I AM and who gives me space to grow.
14) I will marry a man who is not stingy with money and who will give me enough money so that I can develop talents and be my own person and who has the same attitude toward finances that I do.
VERY IMPORTANT: I will marry a man who nourishes me when I am sick or weak and who is concerned when I am in pain physically or emotionally.
15) I will marry a man that I feel is a hero and that I feel has greatness and depth and vision and who has a passion to make this world a better place to live in, because this is the only kind of man I can respect and it is essential that I respect the man I marry.
16) I will marry a man who is emotionally dependable and is a generous, unselfish person–a giver. What this means is that I don’t feel emotionally threatened by him EVER. That I can always count on him to “be there” for me when I am in emotional despair. If he can’t be there, he will have to have a good reason and the reason will have to be that it was better for me that he was not there at the time. I WILL REFUSE TO MARRY A MAN WHO IS NOT WILLING TO SACRIFICE FOR ME emotionally, financially and of his time, because TRUE LOVE IS WILLING TO SACRIFICE. AND IF I AM NOT WILLING TO SACRIFICE FOR HIM in the same way, I WON’T MARRY HIM, BECAUSE I MUST LOVE HIM AS MUCH AS HE LOVES ME. He must love me so much that he would be willing to let another man have me, if he felt I’d be better off with the other man and I must feel the same about him–this is an attitude of sacrifice and this is TRUE LOVE. He must be a BIG PERSON.
17) I will marry a man who is good at dealing with Jesuits and can handle the stress of being married to woman descended from (or genetically related to) Howard Hughes, and who can handle the intense stress, pressure, and targeting that comes with it–THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.
If I can’t find a man who meets the above conditions, then I JUST WON’T MARRY. There’s no law that says I have to marry. Right now, the only men that I feel meet the above conditions are Brent Spiner and Vladimir Putin. I have seen Vladimir and Brent under all sorts of conditions and I feel they meet the above qualifications. Also, 666-Computer communications are some of the best and you really get to know a person when they can communicate through the brain. However, Vladimir and I need to meet face to face. But right now, I perceive that only Vladimir and Brent qualify. I have almost genius intelligence and most of it is creative intelligence, so it is hard for me to find a man who matches my intelligence. Therefore, if I want a happy marriage, the pickings aren’t too good. Most men are below me in intelligence, so the ones who qualify are hard to find. I feel Vladimir and Brent qualify. Right now my attitude is that if I don’t marry Vladimir or Brent, I just won’t marry at all. There’s no law that says I have to marry. I will not settle for another marriage with any man UNLESS HE MEETS ALL THE QUALIFICATIONS IN THE ABOVE LIST. So far, only Brent and Vladimir appear to be in the running. I feel that if I marry a man who does not meet the qualifications of the above list, that my next marriage will fail and for this reason, I have concluded it is better to remain single than to marry a man who does not meet the qualifications of the above list AND THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I’LL DO IF I CAN’T MARRY A MAN WHO MEETS THE ABOVE QUALIFICATIONS.
I would like to further state that I have only had sex with one man my whole life and that was David Schuler. Even though Brent propositioned me when I was married, I turned him down and turned my relationship with Brent into an extremely intimate friendship. We made love to each other with words and thoughts instead of with bodies. My strong Bible convictions would not allow me to turn my relationship with Brent into a physical relationship, and Brent decided to respect this and even when I weakened later and offered myself to him (and then fell down flat on the floor and prayed for hours for God to protect me and for His will to be done), Brent wouldn’t go to bed with me. So, you see, Brent cared about me.
3-1-05: Vladimir wants me to write a statement about why it turned out that Vladimir and my ex-husband have several physical characteristics in common: such as blonde hair, similar ears and some similar physical characteristics–and whether this indicates that I may have subconsciously chosen a man who is exactly like my ex-husband and thus am perpetuating the same mistake I made in my previous marriage. Put me under 666-Computer lie-detection as I make the following statement.
MY STATEMENT OVER WHY IT TURNS OUT THAT VLADIMIR HAS SOME UNCANNY PHYSICAL SIMILARITIES TO MY EX-HUSBAND.
First off, I ‘d like to say that when I first saw the photo of Vladimir Putin that I thought he had gray hair and that he was in his 60s. The photo was in black and white and I wasn’t sure of his hair coloring or his eye colors or his age. What I was attracted to in the photo was the expression of Vladimir’s eyes, which, I would like to say is not at all like my husband’s eye expressions. I liked the manly glow of Vladimir’s face and the courage, depth and vision that emanated from his expression. These are qualities that my ex-husband didn’t have and these qualities did not emanate from my ex-husband’s face.
In fact, when I first met my ex-husband and he asked me out, I turned him down, because I was turned off by the expression from his face, which struck me as shallow. My first impressions are uncannily accurate and I should have gone with my first impression of my ex-husband. He fooled me when he took me out, because he knew how to talk impressive.
I am absolutely impartial and objective when it comes to a man’s appearance when I decide whether he is manly, has character or is a nice person. I do not allow a man’s physical appearance to deter me from judging accurately what he is like on the inside. I am wise enough to realize that you cannot say that all blondes are a certain way, or that all brunettes are a certain way or that all Russians or races are a certain way.
One thing I hate about the Jesuits is that they use stereotypes to promote their agenda and you can’t stereotype people. People are much more complex than stereotypes.
Though I do believe that races have certain characteristics, such as most Germans tend to be hard workers and most Russians tend to have a great artistic appreciation. I realize that you will always find exceptions to these stereotypes and that each person is unique and a complex individual. I learned this objectivity as a writer, since I am a character writer and delve deep into character as I write.
If you look back over my romantic history, I can list all the men that I have dated and/or found attractive and will describe each of them. I will list their names (maybe to my embarassment–some of these guys didn’ t know I liked them or maybe they knew and were running away from me) and will leave it up to Vladimir whether he wants to publicize their names. He may contact them and consult with them. This could make for a very interesting presentation on IBN. They were all different in physical characteristics. This shows that I do not choose men based on their physical appearance.
There is an interesting pattern to my attractions. I tend to have deep relationships with men who have similar bloodlines to myself, which are as follows: My paternal grandfather was about ½ Jewish blood and ½ English blood (interesting note: My paternal grandfather’s Jewish mother was also Howard Hughes’ genetic mother). My paternal grandfather was raised by his real Jewish mother and by his step-dad. My paternal grandfather’s genetic dad was the dad who raised Howard Hughes. Howard Hughes was raised by his genetic dad and his step-mother. Howard Hughes and my paternal grandfather are genetic brothers, but were raised in different families.
My paternal grandmother was about ½ Swedish and ½ Scotch/Irish. My maternal grandmother was about 70% Japanese and 30% German/Russian. My paternal grandfather was about 100% Japanese. This translates to bloodlines approximately as follows: about 1/8 Jewish blood, 1/8 English blood, 1/8 Swedish blood, 1/8 Scotch-Irish blood, 3/8 Japanese blood, 1/8 Russian/German blood. We have determined through 666-Computer genetic studies that royal bloodlines are dominant. Therefore, my genetic line-up in the manner in which it influences my personality and temperament would be like follows: 35% Jewish/Dutch genetic traits (the King David genes are very dominant), 4% English genetic traits, 4% Swedish genetic traits, 4% Scotch-Irish genetic traits, 30% Japanese genetic traits (there is some faint Japanese royal blood from the Genji clan), 20% German/Russian genetic traits (there is very strong royal blood from Germany and Russia–this dwarfs the Japanese royal blood–so my German/Russian traits are strong–in fact, strong enough to give me Russian romantic characteristics). Now as I go through the list I will list with *** those men (from my romantic history) that have similar bloodlines (or genetic characteristics) to myself and the more asterisks the closer they are. I will assign one asterisk for each 10% similarity in bloodlines between myself and the guy. That means if the guy is 100% Anglo-Saxon and my genetic Anglo-Saxon traits are 10% then that guy gets one asterisk–if that is the only bloodline we have in common. Royal bloodline in common (that is if the man is descended from the same royal family as myself) will be three asterisks added on, since royal bloodlines are very dominant. Right after the asterisks will be mentioned with parentheses the bloodlines that I have in common with the guy.
Next, I will state how open I was in this relationship. If I was somewhat open, then there will be ^^. If I revealed and bared my inner soul to the man, then that will be ^^^^^. If I was open, but kept some of myself back, that will be ^^^. If I was a fake and not myself or did not open up myself at all to the person, that will be nothing. There is an interesting trend here–I tend to open up to and feel closer to those who have similar genetic line-ups to myself.
So, Jesuits, if you want to stereotype me as one who tends to have certain types of men in my life–it is that I tend to fall for men (and to be closely involved with men) who are genetically similar to myself! That would be an accurate assessment.
But to say, that because Vladimir has a similar appearance to David Schuler (who has criminal traits) means that I tend to have criminal men in my life is an incorrect analogy.
A correct analogy about my love life is that I am drawn to men who are genetically similar to myself. This may explain why I have never dated a black or Hispanic man or been romantically attracted to black or Hispanic men. I have nothing against blacks and Hispanics and have had wonderful black and Hispanic friends. I just don’t get involved with them romantically. I have no black or Hispanic blood. For that matter, I have never been romantically involves with anyone from India, the Muslim countries, the African nations or from any country from which I have no genetic ties. The only exception is Franco Nero and I suspect that Franco is not 100% Italian. I think he may have some Jewish blood or some other bloodlines in him besides Italian, and I have Jewish blood –YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN! I am romantically drawn to men who have my bloodlines.
Vladimir and I are both descended from Grand Prince Vladimir of Kiev (a Russian/German king). My maternal grandmother is descended from the Oshu Fujiwara family (who are from Grand Prince Vladimir of Kiev). Grand Prince Vladimir of Kiev is genetically related to the German Catherine the Great of Russia and Frederick the Great of Prussia (Germany). Actually, Grand Prince Vladimir of Kiev was a Germanic prince in Russia.
I have a journal that I wrote in which many of these guys are mentioned. I left it in Seattle and don’t have it anymore.
- (Anglo-Saxon) KENNETH DUGGER–First attraction of my life at Cutler Ridge Jr. High and Miami Palmetto Senior high school (though I never told the guy and he didn’t know) 1972 to 1974: Dark brown wavy hair and brown eyes. Medium build and height. This guy wanted to be a police officer and did volunteer police work in high school. Sort of handsome. He was a little chubby, but he didn’t look bad. Personality: generous, very respectful to ladies, a Southern gentlemen (his family was from Tennessee). Anglo-saxon. Non-smoker. He used to walk home with me from junior high school because we were both in the same singing ensemble. I never told him I found him attractive. I adored him after I heard him sing the song Honey (which became a hit with Bobby Goldsboro) while we had our final exams for Concert Chorus in 10th grade at Miami Palmetto Sr. High. I was a very good singer in high school and college.
***(Japanese) UNKNOWN JAPANESE HIGH SCHOOL BOY (1976) who ran after my train in Japan and dropped his high school pin onto my lap. The train was travelling from Tokyo to Nozawa, Japan. When I visited Japan in my summer break between my freshman and sophomore years of college, I sat in front of two Japanese high school boys in uniforms in the train seat. I was a freshman/sophomore in college. These boys talked to me through a translator (my mother). One of them got off the train and ran after the train and dropped his high school pin onto my lap (through the train window). He had black hair and dark eyes. He was Japanese. I found him attractive. Though I never contacted him when I came to the states. I didn’t know his address and at that time was more focused on American men. But I often had memories of him and thought his gesture was very attractive.
****(Jewish) ^^^^^MITCH ABRAMS (1975 to 1978)–Jewish guy I dated at Miami-Dade Community College and liked very much: Dark brown wavy hair, brown eyes, acne pocked face, stained teeth (he didn’t take good care of his braces in high school), medium build and medium height. This guy wanted to be a physician and the last I knew of him, he became a medical technologist or went into business, I lost track of him. Not handsome. I do recall that one time when Mitch came to my house, I read him my favorite portion with tears from War and Peace, which is Prince Andrei’s death scene and Mitch seemed to share my literary appreciation. When I read War and Peace in high school, I broke down and cried during Prince Andrei’s death scene. Personality: brainy, musical, artistic, talented and wrote his own music, sensitive and liberal, Democrat, a bit of a womanizer. He used to be a music major. Average weight. Smoker.
*(Anglo-Saxon) KEITH MORGAN (1977 to 1979)–Another attraction I had at F.S.U. and at Miami-Dade Community College (though the romantic feelings were not returned and I only had friendship with this guy): Reddish brown hair, blue eyes, medium build, freckled. Handsome. Medium build, a little on the tall side. Anglo-saxon looking. Personality: devoted Methodist Christian, aloof, but with sensitive and warm eyes, somewhat shy, intelligent. Biology major. He was in Army ROTC and went into the Army as an officer. Average weight. Non-smoker.
****(Jewish) KROY ELLIS (1978 to 1979)–Another attraction I had while a student at F.S.U. (this guy never knew it or maybe he did–who knows?): Jewish, black and straight hair with brown eyes. A very devoted and commited and enthusiastic Christian. We passed out tracts together to Jews on the streets of Chicago. Fun-loving. He took me sailing with another girl. I met him at the Presbyterian church (Old Cutler Presbyterian Church in Miami, FL) function I went to, while on break from F.S.U. in Miami. He didn’t go to F.S.U. He was a student at Moody Bible Institute. He liked me and I decided not to ruin the friendship by letting him know I found him attractive. He was a computer guy and worked his way through Moody Bible Institute with a computer job. He was tiny and had small bones, kind of wiry. Short–sort of. Skinny. Full of energy and very enthusiastic about everything. Not at all legalistic. Very fun-loving and alive. I visited him at Moody Bible Institute and he was delighted to see me. Non-smoker.
*(Anglo-Saxon) CHRIS ??? (1979)–My senior year at F.S.U. I met this guy who was a student at Bob Jones University. He was short, a leader and motivator, and I believe, from New Jersey. I’m sure he graduated from Bob Jones University. I think he had brown hair and brown eyes. He struck me as being a hard worker full of energy, goal oriented, opinionated and a leader. He was very active in church and attended all church functions. I think I met him on church visitation–when the church members go out and visit people in the community. I recall that he was short and sort of stocky. I think he had straight brown hair and brown eyes. I know he wasn’t a blonde or red head. He was planning to be a missionary teacher (I think) to Puerto Rico (or some Hispanic country). He could speak Spanish, but he wasn’t Spanish. I was a very active church member at Temple Baptist Church in Tallahassee, FL and met him through my church on visitation. I can’t remember his last name. I had a thing for him throughout my senior year at F.S.U. and used to watch for him on Christmas and spring breaks, when he would come to Tallahassee and attend Temple Baptist Church while he was on his break from Bob Jones University. He encouraged me to attend Bob Jones University (Greenville, SC), because he knew that I planned to attend a Christian university after I graduated from F.S.U. This guy loved Bob Jones University and felt I should go there. I almost did. I’m sure this guy had no idea I found him attractive because I didn’t give him a clue.
*(Anglo-Saxon) EDWARD PRENDERGAST[1982 to 1983] (An attraction from Bible college). I think this guy knew I liked him and he dropped me hints not to pursue a romantic relationship with him, but I will describe him because I want the world to know that I have become attracted to ALL TYPES OF PHYSICAL APPEARANCE in men. Baptist, Red hair, blue eyes?, handsome, devoted Christian, southern gentlemen from Florence, South Carolina– He was studying to be a missionary to Japan. Tall–sort of. Average weight. He wanted to be friends with me and showed me pictures of blondes he liked–I got the hint. This guy definitely preferred blondes. Anglo-Saxon. Non-smoker.
*(Anglo-Saxon) RANDY LAASE [1982 to 1983] (not sure I spelled his last name right): Short, wiry with a small build, dark hair and eyes. He wore glasses. Baptist. Skinny. He was my fellow student at the Bible college. Very intelligent and perceptive little guy. He was a couple years younger than I. He seemed to have a genuine spirituality and love for the Lord. I was friends with him and decided it was wiser not to let him know, because I wanted to nurture him as a friend and knew if I told him I liked him, he’d run away and I’d lose friendship and everything. From Canton, Ohio. I sensed he didn’t want more than friendship. Anglo-Saxon. Non-smoker.
**(Anglo-Saxon/German) ^^DAVID SCHULER (1981 to 1989): Medium build, stocky bones, handsome. Baptist. Blonde hair, blue eyes. Germanic looking. German/Anglo-Saxon/French. Personality: snobby, aloof, very polite dater–except when he was snobby. A bit arrogant. Leader, hard worker, very goal oriented. He just dropped me mysteriously and ignored me for a couple years and I could never forget about him. He made a lousy first impression on me as a guy who appeared to be shallow, and I turned him down the first time he asked me out. But all the people in the church told me he was a great guy and I believed them, so I went out with him. But he impressed me tremendously when he wouldn’t touch me as we dated and then I was crazy about him and admired his discipline of steel, because of my experiences with Marc (see below). Non-smoker.
*(Anglo-Saxon) DON PAXON –not sure of last name–(1980): I had a summer job at Florida Power and Light. This guy was one of my bosses and I found him very attractive. He had a girlfriend. Mechanical Engineer graduate (with honors) from Georgia Tech. Short, stocky, fast mover, straight blonde hair and I think blue eyes. I never told him, because I didn’t feel it was wise. Anglo-Saxon. Non-smoker??
*(Anglo-Saxon) ^^MARC (1980 to 1981): Southern Baptist. I met him at First Baptist Church of Perrine, FL. Son of missionary doctor to Panama. He asked me out from the church pew behind me and we dated and had a long distance telephone relationship, since he was attending Baylor University in Texas. Light brown, curly hair. Blue eyes. Can’t remember his last name. This guy was my boyfriend for about six months. He was from Texas. He dropped me when I wouldn’t let him to go to bed with me and that’s why I fell so hard for David Schuler. Ugly physical appearance. Skinny and crooked teeth. Pre-med major at Baylor University. I don’t think he became a doctor. His grades weren’t good enough. Anglo-Saxon. Non-smoker.
*(Jewish/Russian) ^^^^^BRENT SPINER (1990 to ???): Romanian Jewish, Democrat. Actor. Straight brown hair, blue eyes, medium build, handsome, gorgeous and soft spoken high-pitched voice (like velvet when he spoke to me), sensitive, very witty, highly intelligent, deep and perceptive man. Charming personality. This man adored me and jumped to every word I said. It appears that once I was married, I no longer had the problem of men which I found attractive not wanting a romantic relationship with me. This makes me very suspicious that the Jesuits may have manipulated some of my previous interests, so that I’d end up with a husband the Jesuits could use to destroy me. Smoker.
****(Italian/Jewish/??) ^^^^^FRANCO NERO (1996 to 1999): Italian film star. Brunette curly hair, blue eyes. A little overweight, but still very handsome. Sensitive, devoted, very intelligent, passionate. Humanitarian and a leader. Non-smoker??
*(German/Russian–descended from the same Russian/German royal family). Vladimir is more German than Russian since his royal German/Russian genes come from his Russian father and his German genes come from his German mother. ^^^^^VLADIMIR PUTIN (2001 to ???): German/Russian. Russian President. Blonde hair, blue eyes, Germanic looking–this is why he looks like David Schuler. Short, handsome, a little chubby–but still attractive. Manly, leader, hard worker, direct and forthright, almost genius intelligence, visionary, courageous. Non-smoker??
I won’t go into detailed descriptions about the latter, since they are all famous and the information can be discerned. I think the above list is proof that I don’t have a certain type of physical appearance which I find attractive in men. I have been attracted to all body builds, several different races. And it seems I like all types, except obese men. I also haven’t been attracted to black men, though I’ve had some wonderful friendships with black men. There are short guys and tall guys in the list. There are blondes, red heads, brunettes and all hair colors and all eye colors.
3-2-05: Vladimir tells me that he has contacted most (or all) of these guys I used to find attractive and he tells me that if something happened to him, that a few of these guys want to marry me, and that he’s made arrangements that if something happened to him, that some of these guys might contact me and be my friend after Vladimir’s death.
Vladimir says he definitely wants to marry me, but if something should happen to him, he wants to insure that in my depths of despair as I mourn over him, I don’t rush into a quick marriage with a bad guy in order to heal my emotional wounds. He said he does this because he remembers when he lost his first wife what he went through. So he’s made an arrangement where these guys I used to be attracted to might befriend me (after, and if, Vladimir dies). Maybe he is doing a wise thing, but Vladimir is who I want to marry and how I feel about his matchmaking schemes is revealed below.
I do want to say something about this, and that is, that if something were to happen to Vladimir I would be in no rush to marry ANYBODY. And I don’t feel too comfortable over this matchmaking game that Vladimir is playing on me. I only mentioned these guys to make it plain that I don’t have a psychological bent to marry or to be attracted to abusive or criminal-type men. I mentioned these former guys in order to clear Vladimir–to make it clear that I don’t have a tendency to be attracted to criminals.
Though I found these guys attractive, my feelings for each of them came NOWHERE NEAR THE FEELINGS I HAD FOR BRENT SPINER. When Brent didn’t call me for three weeks in Sept. 1992, I was in so much distress I thought I would die. That guy was literally my arms and my legs–it was like he was infused into the deepest parts of my inner being. It was like someone cut out my heart.
If you want to see how miserable I felt, watch the scene at the end of Somewhere in Time where the main character Richard (portrayed by Christopher Reeve) pines away in his bed and dies crying because he is permanently separated from his lover (portrayed by Jane Seymour–who is Jewish by the way)–that’s exactly how I felt when Brent didn’t call me for three weeks in September 1992. Watch that scene, because what that character went through when he was separated by time from his lover is how I felt over Brent’s mysterious silence in Sept. 1992. Somewhere in Time’s main musical theme is based on the Russian composer Rachmaninov’s piece Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini, which I feel is a piece of music which captures Russian romantic passion.
I got down on my knees and prayed and the only thing that kept me going was my decision to spend a half hour everyday praying for Brent and to make that prayer time my relationship with Brent and then Brent called me in October 1992 (with no special explanation) and things seemed to return to normal. I recall driving on the freeway at the end of September 1992, and crying as I drove. I couldn’t stop crying and just cried for three weeks straight and all I could do was cry. I couldn’t sleep because my heart was full of grief. I became ill and stopped attending church for several weeks (and I was a real regular church attender) because I felt like I was too weak to move, and just prayed all day and cried all night and day. I didn’t know it at the time, but the Jesuits were behind this silence and were using Paramount studios to put tremendous pressure on Brent to sever his relationship with me. My husband was out at sea at the time, so he had no idea that Brent and I had a passionate telephone and letter relationship going. I believe it was during this time that Brent signed some sort of contract with Paramount to acquire Loree McBride as a publicity girlfriend, so that Paramount would allow him to continue his communications with me. Brent spent a lot of his day at the Star Trek set at the studio and often called me from the studio from about spring 1991 to fall 1992, so, apparently, Paramount felt that it had a right to meddle with Brent’s personal life. I can’t tell you how miserable I was that I was married to David Schuler and couldn’t be with Brent.
It was right after this 3 week period of silence in Sept. 1992, that I offered myself to Brent, but he didn’t come. Even though earlier in 1991, he practically begged me to allow him to be intimate with him. I found out later that Brent, himself, had been through an emotional hell that 3 weeks. I’m not sure what the Jesuits and Paramount did to Brent, but they somehow succeeded in extorting him into a relationship (for publicity purposes) with Loree McBride as a condition to maintain his relationship with me. I think Brent lost his head in Sept. 1992 and the Jesuits took full advantage of his mental/emotional state. Brent made a serious mistake to agree to this arrangement to have a publicity girlfriend. He should have sued Paramount studios! In this respect, he was not too smart, because the Jesuits later, when I divorced my husband in spring 2001, used Loree McBride as an effective weapon to prevent my marriage to Brent. Brent never had any romantic feelings for Loree, he maintained her just so he could pacify Paramount studios in order to maintain his communications with me. In essence, Paramount was controlling Brent’s private life. They felt they owned him.
I wanted so bad to be single, so I could marry Brent. Therefore, I won’t marry a guy unless I love him as much as I loved (and love) Brent Spiner. This is how I feel about Vladimir Putin. I never, ever thought anyone else could replace Brent. I don’t think, and I could be wrong, that any of those former guys I used to like could take the place in my heart that Brent did and has–unless they have changed quite a bit and are not the same guy they were when I knew them. Not that they were bad guys, but Brent is just extraordinary. And I save my heart for extraordinary men, so that I can be free to have a relationship with that extraordinary man–when, and if, that extraordinary man shows up. Other than that, I feel I’m best off to remain single.
Brent is the love of my life. It takes quite a strong love to spur me to write a novel of the caliber of Silver Skies (I started Silver Skies in summer 1993) and that is what my love for Brent inspired me to do. My intimate relationship with Brent started in spring 1991 and two years later (summer 2003) it inspired me to write Silver Skies.
It takes a quite a strong love to inspire me to write international law that changes the course of history (I started writing law in spring/summer 2003), and that is what my love for Vladimir has inspired me to do. My intimate relationship with Vladimir started in fall 2001 and about two years later (in 2003), it inspired me to write international law to deal with Jesuit terrorism.
If any of these guys want to take the place of Brent or Vladimir–they have a tough act to follow.
Because of my experience of being in a bad marriage which prevented me from marrying the man of my dreams, I AM IN NO RUSH TO MARRY ANYBODY and I would never marry a man unless he had been through the fire with me and I could see how he handled me under catastrophic stress and UNLESS HE IMPRESSED ME AS A HEROIC MAN WITH VISION AND COURAGE AND BIGNESS, who would share with me his most intimate dreams and confide in me as his best and closest friend and who would let me be the rock of his life to spur him on to greatness. He would have to meet every quality in the above list. I really don’t believe there are very many men that are capable of handling the stress associated with me–because I am extremely targeted by the Jesuits. I may be wrong, but I don’t think that most of these guys that I used to like could handle being my husband, and so, therefore, I am currently not interested romantically in any of them.
If something happened to Vladimir, I am open to friendship (possibly) with some of these men–but I may just want to be left alone for about a year and not to be bothered. I don’t know. I hope nothing happens to Vladimir.
I appreciate that some of these guys are willing to take me on, but I’m not sure they realize what they are getting into. The Jesuits are obsessed with me. I would only marry a guy if I felt he was the best and biggest hearted and most heroic guy in the world and that I couldn’t get any better and that the man was great–which is how I feel about Vladimir and felt (and feel) about Brent. I don’t feel this way about most men I meet.
You have to realize that it took a 9-11-01 to get me to become interested in another man besides Brent–to the point where I’d be willing to risk losing my communication with Brent. I communicated with Franco THROUGH BRENT.
Other than that, I prefer to stay single and that’s how I really feel. I’m not hungry to get married, because once you’re married–then you’re stuck and getting out of a marriage is very complicated, and then that marriage could be a blockade, should I meet the man of my dreams as a married woman, to prevent me from marrying the man of my dreams. I will ONLY MARRY THE MAN OF MY DREAMS. I HAVE TO THINK HE’S A HERO AND HAVE TO HAVE THE UTMOST RESPECT AND ADMIRATION FOR HIM IN EVERY WAY.
You may say, then you will never marry. That is fine, then I will never marry. The Bible teaches that you shouldn’t marry unless you have necessity–that the single state is better. So, I feel I have a wise attitude. Read 1 Cor. 7.
You see, what happened to me was that BECAUSE I WAS MARRIED, I couldn’t marry Brent and this almost killed me. I wanted to marry Brent so bad. It killed me to turn Brent down when he propositioned me, though I didn’t want to go to bed with Brent right away, I was definitely interested and wanted a romantic relationship with him–BUT I WAS MARRIED AND STUCK TO A BORING AND COLD HUSBAND. I wished so bad that I was single when Brent came into my life, but I was stuck with David Schuler and it was no easy matter to get out of that marriage and then because of that marriage I was stuck in– I could only communicate with Brent in sneaky ways, behind my husband’s back–I HATED THIS.
Therefore, for this reason, unless one of these former guys can make such an impression on me that I feel that guy is my hero and that I couldn’t get any better and if I don’t dream about making love to him all day long, I won’t marry him-because I won’t risk getting into that situation again.
I never know when that special someone will come and usually it happens when you don’t expect it. When that special someone comes, I WANT TO BE FREE TO BE WITH HIM WITH NO STRINGS ATTACHED–I DON’T WANT TO BE STUCK IN AN ARRANGEMENT which prevents me from following my heart. MY MARRIAGE HAS TO BE A PASSIONATE LOVE AFFAIR–I HAVE TOO MUCH RUSSIAN BLOOD. I CAN NEVER SETTLE FOR A MARRIAGE ARRANGEMENT. I’d rather just dream about that extraordinary man (even if he’s dead) then marry someone in some sort of marriage arrangement for convenience. I will never ever be in a rush to marry again–the man has to be absolutely outstanding as a person and outstanding as a lover. After my thrilling and mesmerizing love affair with Brent, I can settle for nothing less.
I have to like the guy so much that I dream about making love to him all day long, which is how I felt about Brent and how I feel about Vladimir. I have to be passionately and deeply in love with him and our souls have to be meshed together into oneness, so that he is such a part of me, that he is like the air I breathe and like my arms and legs. Other than that–forget it–I won’t marry–because I’m going to keep myself free so that when I do find a guy I feel that way about, I’LL BE AVAILABLE FOR HIM.
Of course I haven’t seen a lot of these guys in a long time, but I’m very picky and it takes a real special guy to make me feel this way–where I dream about him all day long and he infuses into my inner being and causes my energies to become more focused and make me dream big dreams and reach for the stars and to harness all my potential and use all my talents. This is how I feel and have felt about Brent and Vladimir.
So far, I’ve only had feelings this strong for Brent Spiner, Franco Nero and Vladimir Putin–and, most especially, Brent and Vladimir. I think it has something to do with Russian blood. Russians are passionate lovers. I won’t settle for a guy who isn’t a passionate lover and who does not deem his love life to be of supreme importance (which most Russians do).
I’m not going to end up like Meggie of The Thornbirds, who married a man she really didn’t want when her heart was thrilled by Ralph DeBriccasart. I loved The Thornbirds and patterned my novel after it, because it paralleled my own life. Brent Spiner was my Ralph DeBriccasart and I see a lot of Brent in Vladimir. David Schuler was my Luke. Even though Luke didn’t want a baby and David does, they are both the same kind of men–both Luke and David put their ambitions and their money and their goals before their wives and both Luke and David didn’t marry women because they loved them for who they are as persons, but they marry women in order to use them to advance their careers and to promote their image.
The only reason David wants his wives to become pregnant is because he feels he can control a woman better if she has his baby–because that baby is a weapon David uses to keep his wife under control. He can use the baby to keep his wife so busy, that she can’t develop and be her own person and can’t develop her own career and in this way the wife becomes an appendage to enhance David’s career and David hopes to keep the woman stagnant and just an appendage. He won’t let his wives grow as persons and/or to use their talents in any way that may detract from his image as the preacher/man and the church leader. He marries to enhance his image, not to love and nurture his wives and cherish who they are as persons.
It was David who bugged me to become pregnant. I was scared to become pregnant. And he didn’t want to wait. I think it was because he wanted to strengthen his control over my life, and he felt if I had his baby that would do it. I wanted us to develop our marriage relationship more before we had a baby. He nagged me and nagged me and I relented. Though I had a special son and I love Erich. I see a lot of myself in Erich. I’m glad Erich is with Vladimir. Vladimir is the dad Erich never had and I’m glad that Vladimir looks a lot like David, because this will make it easier for Erich to accept Vladimir as his “dad”. And Erich has always wanted brothers and sisters and now he has two lovely sisters. Vladimir’s daughters are beautiful and lovely girls.
You see it goes well with a preacher’s image to have a wife and kids–so David marries women to enhance his image–not to nurture them, protect them and develop a loving and close husband/wife relationship. David won’t let anyone get close to him emotionally. He puts up a wall. David will not invest himself emotionally in his wife–you can’t get close to him–and, for this reason, our love life was a flop. He can perform sexually and has no problems with sexual performance. He has problems with emotional intimacy, closeness, sensitivity, tenderness and genuine caring.
Read or watch The Thornbirds. Both Brent and Vladimir are Russian blooded. Brent/Vladimir are my Ralph DeBriccasart. David Schuler is my Luke. I just hope that unlike Meggie with Ralph DeBriccasart, I will get to marry the man of my dreams and not just dream about him.
You might say, I can’t imagine you would dream about making love all day to a former KJB agent. All I can say is Vladimir has a very romantic, sensitive, sensual and passionate side which he only reveals to me and he is a good man. The Russian lover in me and the Russian lover in Vladimir get along just fine. No one is more miserable than a good Russian, that is, when a good Russian is stuck with a dead or cold love life. When Tchaikovsky thought this was his fate, he tried to kill himself. The woman who married Tchaikovsky tricked him and did not marry him for love or because she treasured him as he was.
Tolstoy was absolutely miserable with his wife, because she wouldn’t accept him as he is. This destroyed Tolstoy and probably brought his early demise.
Vladimir considers me the woman of his dreams and he makes passionate and beautiful love to me (through our minds). He is absolutely special. And this is just the reason he won’t take any chances to lose me and why he moves so slow. Brent Spiner did the same thing. Both of these men absolutely adore me.
XXX1/2–G.S. (2-25-05), updates on 2-26-05, 2-27-05 and 3-1-05, 3-2-05.
AAAAAAA–G.S. (2-25-05), updates on 2-26-05, 2-27-05 and 3-1-05, 3-2-05.
BBBBBBB–G.S. (2-25-05), updates on 2-26-05, 2-27-05 and 3-1-05, 3-2-05.
CCCCCCC–G.S. (2-25-05), updates on 2-26-05, 2-27-05 and 3-1-05, 3-2-05.
Electronically signed: Gail Chord Schuler
Date: 2-25-05 , updates on 2-26-05, 2-27-05 and 3-1-05, 3-2-05.
Place: Melbourne, FL