Will post the above video to YouTube & Bitchute on July 1, 2018. Today, it’s just up at DTube.
What is the difference between healthy narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)?
There is confusion in the general public about the differences between healthy narcissism versus those who have a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). There is a significant difference between the two.
Healthy narcissism are personality traits, that occur because human beings crave approval. Their ego and need for self esteem drives this need to feel loved, important; and move them away from feelings of criticism and inferiority. It can be an adaptation to life stresses, or an inherent personality trait. It is NOT a mental illness.
Adler (psychologist) believed that the pain of inferiority motivated humans to strive for a sense of superiority and perfection. This is natural, and is healthy narcissism in action, a normal defence that is essential for psychological health. This action protects people from painful disappointments, failures, and keeps away feelings of helplessness.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:
The DSM V classifies Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) as a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. Those with NPD believe that they are superior to others and have no empathy; however behind their mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism. NPD is the art of deception, and these people project a false self in all of their social interactions. It is a primitive defence mechanism that uses as splitting, projection, projective identification and intellectualism. These people have deficits in one or more areas of their lives.
This personality type makes up a surprisingly high 6.2 percent of the U.S. population, which is very high, as the personality disorder creates havoc in people’s lives. It is believed that about 8% of men have NPD (making almost 1/10 men women date a dangerous and destructive choice).
Narcissist has also been used interchangeably with NPD, however the two are different. Anyone with narcissistic personality disorder is a narcissist, but not every narcissist has a narcissistic personality disorder.
The DSM requires 5 of 9 of the traits below to diagnose NPD.
1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance.
2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love.
3. Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).
4. Requires excessive admiration [regularly fishes for compliments, and is highly susceptible to flattery].
5. Has a sense of entitlement.
6. Is interpersonally exploitative.
7. Lacks empathy is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.
8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her.
9. Shows arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes.
NPDs are incapable of having a true reciprocal bond in any relationship. The are good at act caring, but only a way to get what they want. To them, sympathetic behavior is seen as a way to gain status as a “good” person in the eyes of others. They consider people appliances, things of utility. Much like a person would use a coffee machine to deliver a latte or an expresso, the NPD uses people to elicit narcissistic supply (also know as fuel), positive (love, praise) or negative (anger, frustration, hurt, hate). They have been called emotional vampires, as their existence depends on eliciting emotions from other people,in order to confirm their specialness (the NPDs) for themselves.
Once the fuel gets stale, the source (person) is held in contempt, shelved, devalued or discarded as their usefulness to the NPD is used up, or eliciting hurt, is a more substantial fuel source. This often happens over night. There is nothing personal about these actions whatsoever, it is how the NPD treats everybody; he/she uses, abuses, and discards, then goes on to the next victim with no remorse or empathy what so ever. People are appliances, it is only their emotional reactions, that are useful to the NPD.
They are oversensitive to criticism and are highly reactive to any real or perceived slight. They take no responsibility for anything other than being magnificent. NPDs are always looking over their shoulder, worried that someone else may be more competent, have more status, or take control away from them. They have a black hole of need for admiration, that sucks everything in that gets near, yet never gets filled.
Campbells’ Psychiatric Dictionary defines malignant narcissism as a mix of narcissism, antisocial personality disorder, aggression and sadism. It is was not included in the DSM-V and is not considered to be a diagnostic term.
An important difference between the two (narcissism and NPD) is that NPD is an enduring, consistent pattern of self-aggrandizing attitudes and behaviors. Thoughtless, selfish behaviours once in a while is just what normal people do when they are having a bad day.
At their core, those with NPD have desperately low self-esteem. It can look to others like they have egos as big as Texas, but that is only a front for the scared little person inside. Their feelings of low self-worth make them need constant reassurance, even admiration, from others.
Those with NT (neurologically typical) have healthy self-esteem. They are usually engaged in doing things that contribute to their families, jobs and communities and that give meaning to their lives. Appreciation from others feels good but they don’t need it to feel good about themselves.
Relationship with others
To ease painful insecurity, people with NPD surround themselves with people who will stroke their egos. They are always checking to make sure they have more power, more status and more control than others. Their relationships are often based on whether others are useful to them or make them look good. It’s not unusual for them to drop someone once he or she is no longer needed to forward their personal agenda. Because they need to be in control to feel safe, people with NPD manipulate partners, coworkers and those who think they are friends through cycles of approval and rejection.
Those with NT are secure within themselves. They don’t need to feel superior in order to feel “enough.” They may seek relationships with other doers but it’s because of shared excitement about what they are doing, not in order to use them. Their friendships are based in equality and are characterised by balanced give and take. They make enduring relationships of mutual acceptance and support.
Capacity for empathy
People with NPD can act caring, but only if it will further their need for the relationship. To them, sympathetic behavior is seen as a way to gain status as a “good” person in the eyes of others. If it will cost attention to issues other than their own, their show of sympathy is short-lived.
Those with NT genuinely want to be there for others. If they do talk about their charitable actions, it is to enlist more support for someone in need. Their empathy is selfless and their love is unconditional.
Relationship with success and failure
People with NPD often inflate their accomplishments and overestimate their abilities. It’s not unusual for them to take credit for others’ work. If they can’t dazzle with what they have done, they will work to look good by contrast, emphasizing what others haven’t done or have done badly. Not surprisingly, they are unwilling to talk about their failures or mistakes, fearing that it will have a negative impact on other people’s opinion of them.
When people with NT talk about an achievement, it is without embellishment and with deserved pride and appropriate humility. Unlike those with NPD, they have no need to put their efforts in contrast with the efforts of others. They are quick to give credit to others. People with NT are comfortable sharing their failures or missteps. They understand that to err is only human and that talking about their imperfections doesn’t diminish their worth.
Response to criticism
People with NPD are oversensitive to criticism and are highly reactive to any real or perceived slight. They don’t take responsibility for making a poor decision or for behaviors others find offensive. If they are held accountable for a mistake or insult, they quickly shift the blame to someone else. If that isn’t successful, they will protest that someone else made them do it.
Those with NT may not like conflict or criticism either and may avoid it if they can. But once they think about it, they are able to participate in healthy dialogue when things go wrong. They take responsibility for their missteps and are willing to make changes in their perceptions and behavior. They are able to apologize to others without feeling diminished for doing so.
Narcissistic behavior or a narcissist?
People with NT are certainly capable of moments of narcissistic behavior. Everyone is self-centered or selfish at times. Everyone has the capacity to inflate an achievement, duck responsibility or treat people badly now and then. In people with NT, such things don’t last. They quickly realize when they have been inappropriate, work to heal their relationships and move on. They see no shame in getting support from friends or help from a professional if they need it.
In contrast, true narcissists (NPD) are preoccupied with themselves most of the time. They are always looking over their shoulder, scared that someone else may be more competent, have more status, or take control away from them. Their black hole of need for admiration never gets filled. Although there is treatment, those with NPD usually don’t agree that they have a problem or truly believe relationship issues are the other person’s fault.
The technical differential between Narcissistic Personality Disorder and simply having Narcissistic traits rests on the following;
Narcissistic Personality Disorder: The important word here is “Personality.” Personality Disorders involve many aspects of the person, not just a few traits. Personality aspects include:
- Sense of Identity: People who have NPD have an unstable and unintegrated sense of identity in which they see themselves in an unrealistic, extreme, and inherently unstable way as either being special, perfect, unique, and entitled or as worthless, defective, unentitled garbage.
- Exhibitionist Narcissist Defense System: People with NPD use grandiosity and denial to avoid seeing their own flaws and mistakes. They attack, devalue, or ignore other people who they believe are critical of them or daring to compete with them, or who simply see things differently than them.
- Exhibitionist Narcissist Self-Presentation: They present themselves whenever possible as special, high status, highly knowledgeable (even about topics they know nothing about), with a perfect life.
- Exhibitionist Narcissist Social Behavior: They seek to be the center of admiring attention and tend to dominate any group they are in by telling stories that they believe show them as important and special. They tend to lecture others, even on topics they know little or nothing about—even when the other person is an expert on the topic! They become bored and distracted when someone else is talking and will often interrupt and turn the conversation back to them.
- Status Hierarchies: They are extremely status conscious and are always constructing elaborate status hierarchies based on whatever they value most—power, money, beauty, culture, athletic ability, and so on. They place everyone they meet on this hierarchy and know exactly who is above or below them.
Narcissistic Traits: These can be thought of as add-ons, where the primary Personality System is not pervasively Narcissistic. The person could be a bit self-centered, domineering, or a know-it-all, without having all the self-esteem issues that shape the true Narcissist’s sense of identity.
- Whole Object Relations & Object Constancy
When in doubt, psychologists look at whether the person has “Whole Object Relations (WOR)” and “Object Constancy (OC):”
WOR: Can they see themselves and other people as integrated wholes, simultaneously having both “good” and “bad” traits?
OC: Can they maintain a positive emotional tie to someone that they like when they feel frustrated, angry, hurt or disappointed by the person? Can they continue to feel an emotional connection to the person when they are not physically present?
Punchline: If the Narcissism is pervasive and affects virtually all areas of the Personality, and if they do not have “Whole Object Relations” and “Object Constancy,” they are highly likely to qualify for a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Why Loree McBride and the Brent Spiner clone get along. It’s kind of like Hillary Clinton with Bill Clinton. It’s a business relationship. With Loree and the Brent Spiner clone, Loree is the leader in this unhealthy relationship and the Brent Spiner clone is more like the co-dependent, but he has narcissistic personality disorder, too. He’s greedy and enamored with the celebrity fame of the REAL Brent Spiner, and Loree allows him to maintain that. He feels he needs this, because he has deep holes that being a celebrity fills for him, where he feels the need to be a celebrity to make up for the emotional holes in his life. Whereas the real Brent became an actor mainly because he was committed to the CRAFT of acting and wanted to contribute to the arts and to have self-fulfillment, which explains why he avoided Star Trek conventions at the beginning of his time as Data of Star Trek.
What will happen in a relationship where both partners are narcissist or where they both have narcissistic tendencies?
This is quite common; in fact, there are studies indicating that narcissists are attracted to other narcissists–as life partners, business partners, and friends. However, narcissism, like all personality disorders, exist along a spectrum from 1 to 10 (10 being the most severe). So, for instance, a severe narcissist (usually the man) can have a wife who is only moderately narcissistic but has a lot of codependent tendencies; in other words, she is his cheerleader and puts his needs first. This is very common because girls, in our society, are essentially socialized to become codependent which is why many women put up with physical and psychological abuse. A woman who is codependent and has low self esteem thinks that something (any relationship) is better than no relationship at all. I was one of these women for a long time but I woke up in mid-life, when I broke up with a long-term narcissistic ex-boyfriend who also has obsessive compulsive personality disorder because he could not go through with buying an apartment or getting married. Many personality disordered people have issues with commitment unless they are pressured to commit or they know that their life goals require them to commit. Although I was heart broken at the time, the fact that he is so sick was a blessing because I have never been happier since I got rid of him. People who are personality disordered will hold you back because everything is about enabling their crazy and dancing around their issues. Another common narcissist-narcissist union are power couples (think Bill and Hillary Clinton); I believe that many of these marriages (although they may start out as real love) end up enduring because they are business arrangements in which each partner understands the other one’s greed and ambition. Again, narcissists are attracted to other narcissists because they understand each other. We still live in a world where in order to be perceived as “normal”, you have to be married; this is particularly true in the political arena. In light of Bill’s infidelities, if being his wife were not somehow helping her career, I am pretty sure Hillary would have thrown him under the bus by now.