THIS IS A NEWS ARCHIVE (Zack Knight came to our side in Sept. 2016):
Brain to brain interview on August 13, 2016 with Bernie Sanders about living on Church of Gail:
GAIL: Bernie, I forgot to ask you what is happening to your new home, now that you and your family are now living on Church of Gail for your family’s protection?
BERNIE: I’m afraid I wasted my money, Gail. But we shall see if I use this new home a lot. If I don’t, I might sell it, like Brent (Spiner) is selling his Malibu home. I bought it mainly because my wife felt safer there. All these Jesuit threats against her life, have really spooked her out.
GAIL: I see. Can you tell me how you REALLY feel about Donald Trump?
BERNIE: I think he’s a bit of a male chauvinist.
GAIL: Even when he gives his daughter Ivanka major leadership roles in his business?
BERNIE: Well, that is his daughter, you know.
GAIL: Okay, let’s hit you from another angle. Who would you rather become President, HITLER Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump?
BERNIE: I plead the fifth (laughs). But I would like to emphasize that I no longer endorse HITLER Hillary.
Brain to brain interview on August 12, 2016 with Bernie Sanders about his endorsement of Hillary Clinton and his visit to Pope Francis:
GAIL: Hello, Mr. Sanders, it is a pleasure to meet with you today.
BERNIE: Same here, Gail. I must say I admire your courage in standing against the Jesuits.
GAIL: Really? I find your statement puzzling in light of your endorsement of Jesuit patsy Hillary Clinton and your visit to Pope Francis.
BERNIE: Oh God, Gail. I think I want to throw up just thinking about all this.
GAIL: Really? Can you give your followers some light on your apparent contradictions?
BERNIE: Well, I’ve read all your Donald Trump interviews, and let me tell you, if you think Donald has problems with clones, I have more problems!
GAIL: Please, enlighten us.
BERNIE: First off, I never went to visit Pope Francis.
BERNIE: Oh God, I’m ready to puke. I’d like to say my wife Jane, who I call my Jackie Kennedy, is a great writer as was Jackie. A lot of people don’t know this about Jackie. They see her only as a fashion icon. Well, Jane is Roman Catholic and I’ve had a habit of honoring her faith because she’s like my left arm. I’m right handed and she helps me stay balanced, so that I use both sides of my brain, you know.
GAIL: So because of Jane, you admire Pope Francis?
BERNIE: Well, she’s Roman Catholic and she’s a good Roman Catholic, not like Zack Knight (who is the horrible Jesuit leader) and she admires Pope Francis. I have to admit I tend to see Roman Catholics through my wife’s eyes and she’s just such a good person, that I refuse to believe that all Catholics are bad. Perhaps, love is blind.
GAIL: I agree with you, Bernie. Because me and my men have gotten wonderful support from many Roman Catholics, including Pope Benedict, who the Jesuits murdered. Though they blame that murder on me, because Vladimir Putin nuked the Vatican in November 2011, because they were parading nude pictures of me all over the Vatican and Vladimir wanted to make a statement.
BERNIE: A little extreme, don’t you think, Gail?
GAIL: Well, Vladimir told me that there was an underground military installation underneath the Vatican, which necessitated that we bomb the Vatican, so I agreed to it. We made an extra effort to allow those who opposed the Jesuits to get out, and tried to spare Pope Benedict by transporting him to Church of Gail. But the Jesuits had attached a bomb to the pope and he exploded when he arrived at Church of Gail and took out several decks. Though we were able to transport the black baby that he was holding and discovered that this baby was actually mine and Terrance Jenkins’s. You see, Rule 13 gave birth to the baby, using my stolen egg and Judge Terrance Jenkins’s stolen semen. We got a beautiful woman out of the deal, who has married my son, by the way.
BERNIE: Was there an underground military installation?
GAIL: No. I found out later that Vladimir lied to me and just made that up, because he was furious at the Vatican for parading nude pictures of me around the Vatican.
BERNIE: Hmmm. I don’t think you were right to do that, Gail.
GAIL: You know, Bernie. I pretty much left it up to Vladimir. I trust his judgment on everything.
BERNIE: A little too much trust there, don’t you think?
GAIL: Perhaps, but Vladimir has had a lot of experience as a world leader and you have not. He has also had a lot of experience fighting terrorists.
BERNIE: Okay, we have a draw. Now onto why I did not mind too much that my clone went to visit Pope Francis. Maybe, I’m a bit naive, but the Pope and I see eye to eye on a lot of things, and so I just played along with it.
GAIL: Yeah, Donald Trump plays along with his clone a lot, too. But I do have a question for you. Are you aware that the Roman Catholic Church sponsored the Nazi holocaust?
BERNIE: Yes, I’ve heard that, but I believe the Catholic Church has evolved and learned from that experience.
GAIL: Bernie, you can’t be serious! Why, they launched a nuclear bomb on Canada and practically took out the entire Canadian nation in December 2011!
BERNIE: You know, Gail, I have to admit that running for President is opening my eyes up to a lot of things and I’m starting to question some of what I thought I’d never question.
GAIL: Like what, Mr. Sanders?
BERNIE: Well, I’m starting to think that this utopian ideal that I’ve been pushing, this ideal social democracy will never happen, because it can’t happen when there is so much corruption in the world.
GAIL: So you’re no longer a socialist, who wants the U.S. to be like Denmark or Sweden?
BERNIE: It’s impossible to defeat the special interest groups. That’s why I decided to endorse Hillary Clinton.
GAIL: I was told by Vladimir Putin, that they threatened to harm your wife and family if you did not endorse her.
BERNIE: That’s true, but I realized that Hillary’s practical approach, where she caters somewhat to the special interests and uses strategy to get along with them, but then can change her mind later, to push what she really believes, is wise.
GAIL: Bernie, I thought you said you would endorse Elizabeth Warren.
BERNIE (smiles): Actually, I will, but I’m getting there. . .
GAIL: You’ve got me totally confused, and I’m sure that your recent actions in endorsing Hillary and now buying a rich house are really confusing your followers.
BERNIE (laughs): Oh, my new house! I actually bought that because my wife felt safer in that house. I am willing to spend money to protect my wife.
GAIL: Personally, I don’t have a problem with you buying a rich house, but it does seem to make you a hypocrite.
BERNIE: If everybody does well, there’s no problem with us all having rich houses. It’s just not right for the rich to take advantage of the poor.
GAIL: So you go visit the pope, who, by the way, is probably the richest man on earth and he gets his money by taking advantage of the poor!
BERNIE: Wait a minute, my clone went to visit the pope. But I did not object because at that time I truly believe the pope sincerely advocated the causes I believe in.
GAIL: Alright, I will grant that you appear to have a good heart, though I fear you are horribly naive. It seems to me that you are trying to justify to yourself why you have betrayed your ideals. Why don’t you just be honest and admit that the Jesuits scared you to death by threatening to harm your family? There’s nothing wrong with showing some vulnerability. At least, if you admit that, your followers can forgive you.
BERNIE (cries and wails): Gail, let me leave you for a minute. (He goes off and then comes back). Alright. Alright. I’ll admit that Jesuits scared the hell out of me.
GAIL: Would you care to talk about it?
BERNIE: Gail, they locked me up in a basement for a week with no food and no water. That whole time my clone was stumping for me on the campaign trail.
GAIL: Oh, my God. Why?
BERNIE: They said if I would take brain control drugs that they would feed me and give me water. I asked them, “Why do you want to give me brain control drugs?” They said, “Because we need to control you. And thank you for not giving us a hard time about your clone visiting the pope, it helps us to establish that Gail Chord Schuler is crazy to oppose the Jesuits.” I then said, “Go to hell! I’ll die right here rather than take your drugs.” (Collapses and cries, getting into a fetal position, starts retching).
GAIL: Bernie, you sure you want to continue?
BERNIE: I got to do this, Gail. My conscience is killing me for endorsing Hillary Clinton!
GAIL: I feel like a psychiatrist.
BERNIE: They brought in my wife, or what I thought was my wife, and she was skin and bones. Her eyes were sunken in and I could tell she would not live more than a week at the most.
GAIL: Isn’t your wife a bit on the heavy side? And she was skin and bones?
BERNIE: Oh God, she looked awful. She said, “Bernie, please, do whatever they want, because if you don’t, I’ll die.” So I agreed to take their brain control drugs.
GAIL: Oh, my God, what happened?
BERNIE: Your men found out that I was in a Jesuit basement and they came and rescued me and my wife and then blew up that basement to ensure we killed any Jesuits who were there. (Starts wailing) They then told me that the woman who I thought was my wife, was her Jesuit clone and the Jesuits tricked me into taking their brain control drugs.
GAIL: So what happened to you after you took the brain control drug?
BERNIE: I learned later that the drug lowered my I.Q. to the point that I would not be able to function as a President. It was a brain altering drug, which made me almost a retard. Your men gave me an I.Q. test and I scored something like 80, when I used to have an I.Q. something like 150. So I decided that now that I was stupid, I should endorse Hillary Clinton, that anybody was better than me.
GAIL (smiles): Why not endorse Donald Trump, who, at least is not a Jesuit!
BERNIE: Gail, I could never endorse Donald Trump. I’ve been a Democrat or have had Democratic ideals just about all my life.
GAIL: Okay, that’s understandable.
BERNIE: Now that I was a retard, the Jesuits knew that I would quit running for President, and they told me that the woman who I thought was my wife was her clone and then the real Jane came running in and hugged me. I can’t tell you how relieved I was to see she was still “fat” and happy and okay! (laughs). Then I had to cry and tell Jane that I was not her Bernie that my brain was reduced to a retard I.Q. She said she still loved me and wanted to stay my wife, but begged me to endorse Hillary, because Hillary had now become a Jesuit. You see, my wife’s Roman Catholic.
GAIL: Didn’t you realize that by endorsing a Jesuit, you were endorsing a terrorist?
BERNIE: Well, I’m afraid I’m not too bright right now, Gail.
GAIL (wipes her forehead): Oh dear.
BERNIE: Anyways, your men took pity on me and brought me in to see Gerard Butler (your brilliant psychiatrist) and he got through to my feeble brain, that I needed to retract my endorsement of Hillary, so that I could sleep at night. I’ve been battling depression, because the Jesuits tricked me into destroying my brain. So I want to tell the world that I now endorse Elizabeth Warren, who, at least, holds to the same ideals that I do, but is not an evil Jesuit supporter. They also have been counseling my wife, explaining to her that though she is a good Catholic, that Hillary is not. That Hillary, being a Jesuit, is now a terrorist.
GAIL: Oh, my God. This explains everything! So you have decided to get out of politics?
BERNIE: No, you can still be a good Senator with an I.Q. of 80.
GAIL: Don’t feel too bad. Did you know that President George W. Bush is now a retard, thanks to Lyudmila Putina who farted on him with a deadly methane gas fart, which lowers the I.Q.? She did that to spite him, because he would no longer play her game of forcing Vladimir Putin to stay married to her (Lyudmila), even though it was a shot gun wedding from the very start.
BERNIE: Yes, I heard about that. That’s too bad
GAIL: You mean you heard about the shotgun wedding or about the fact that Lyudmila is not the Larisa that Vladimir married in 1983?
BERNIE: Both. (Smiles) I feel better for having talked to you, Gail. I want everyone to know that I have retracted my endorsement of HITLER Hillary. If anything, people should know that it never pays to listen to a Jesuit. Look what has happened to me! I endorse Elizabeth Warren. At least she still has her high I.Q. and she’s not a Jesuit – at least, not yet.
GAIL: Bernie, high I.Q. is not everything.
BERNIE: Perhaps, but I don’t feel qualified to be U.S. President now. I think a President needs high I.Q.
GAIL: My men told me you are a humble man, and I can see that that is true.
BERNIE: I guess that’s my only virtue now, Gail
GAIL: I think you really underestimate yourself. Is there no hope that your I.Q. can be raised?
BERNIE: I’m afraid not. As you know, Jesuit technology is very advanced. They made sure the brain control drugs they gave me, ruined my I.Q. forever.
GAIL: Well, if you ever meet Jesus on Church of Gail, ask him to do a miracle for you!
BERNIE: I’m an atheist, Gail.
GAIL: Well, Bernie, would it hurt to ask Jesus to raise your I.Q.? I mean how would it hurt? I don’t see how you can live on Church of Gail and be an atheist!
BERNIE: I hear I’m not the only atheist on Church of Gail. You know, your friend, Bill Nye, lives here, too.
GAIL: I don’t understand you atheists. Yes, Bill Nye apparently thinks when he’s seeing Jesus he is seeing some sort of computer image.
BERNIE (laughs): So you want me to ask a computer image to restore my I.Q.?
GAIL: Yeah! I dare you! What have you got to lose!
BERNIE: Alright, you got a deal. But I feel like a damn fool.
GAIL: You know, what those Jesuits did to you reminds me of concentration camp experiments. This is a form of anti-Semitism. You should start a movement. In fact, you should join with me to destroy the Jesuits.
BERNIE: Sorry, but my wife’s a Catholic.
GAIL: Okay. Well, this explains a lot. So you want to retract your endorsement of HITLER Hillary and you want to endorse Elizabeth Warren. Anything else you need to do to relieve your conscience?
BERNIE: I want to apologize to my followers that I failed them, but I no longer have the brain I had while I was running for President and they can best honor me by NOT VOTING FOR HITLER HILLARY AND WRITING IN A VOTE FOR ELIZABETH WARREN.
GAIL: Bernie, a lot of your followers plan to write you in as the President, and, frankly, I’d rather have you than HITLER Hillary any day, even with an I.Q. of 80.
BERNIE: They can write me in, but it won’t work, and if the job was offered to me, I think I’d not accept it now.
GAIL: Bernie, you are too humble!
BERNIE: Gail, I never ran to be famous or to make myself rich. I did it for the country, what I felt was best for the country and with an I.Q. of 80, the country would be better off with Elizabeth Warren. Oh my, Elizabeth is here?
ELIZABETH: Bernie, I overheard or saw what Gail was writing. Gail’s men showed it to me. I would be honored to honor your legacy, if people want to vote for me in your place. But if they choose you over me, you and I are going to have a serious talk. I also retract MY endorsement of HITLER Hillary. It’s so sad what Jesuits have done to you and that they’ve murdered Hillary. As you know, Gail, Hillary was one of your biggest fans.
GAIL: Yes, I know. Jesuits are horrible! You know, I was going to discuss with you (Bernie) your policies and how Hillary does not represent you, Bernie. But since you have a lowered I.Q., I have decided not to bring this stuff up. What the Jesuits have done to you speaks volumes. World, we must not allow the Jesuits to run the world. Do NOT vote for HITLER Hillary, who will be controlled by her JESUIT VP Tim Kaine. Okay, Bernie. I think that’s a wrap.
BERNIE: Give me a high five, Gail.
GAIL: (Gail gives him a high five). And don’t forget to ask Jesus, when you see him, to give you back your brain.
BERNIE: Got a deal there, Gail.
GAIL: And if Jesus gives you back your brain, what then?
BERNIE: Don’t think that will happen, Gail. Good bye.
Copyright © 2016 – 2018 Gail Chord Schuler. All Rights Reserved.