Captive Brent Spiner Warns Angelina Ballerina Launched Seroquakke to ANNIHILATE the Universe (Jan. 5, 2017)

This is a historical archive. We defeated Angelina Ballerina on Jan. 6, 2017.


ZACK KNIGHT AND BRENT SPINER (CAPTIVE INSIDE ANGELINA BALLERINA’S PINK SPACESHIP) COMMUNICATE WITH GAIL ABOUT ANGELINA BALLERINA’S LAUNCH OF THE MOST POWERFUL BOMB EVER TO HIT PLANET EARTH – THE SEROQUAKKE (DESIGNED TO TAKE OUT ANGELINA AS THE ANTICHRIST). ANGELINA STOLE IT FROM GAIL’S MEN OFF OF CHURCH OF GAIL. THE BOMB IS POWERFUL ENOUGH TO DESTROY THE UNIVERSE ABOUT THREE TIMES OVER. IT IS EXPECTED TO HIT THE SOUTHEASTERN UNITED STATES AROUND 9 P.M. January 6, 2017

My dearest Gail,

Loree slapped the tablet out of my hand.
“What are you doing with that?!” She demanded.

“I just sent Gail a letter, you bitch.”

Loree’s scowl twisted with genuine confusion. “…How do you even get reception in deep space?” She snatched the tablet to inspect it. “What service is that? Verizon? AT&T?”

Angelina’s fairy-like voice cut sharply between us, “HOW ABOUT, your NEXT letter to Gail explains to her exactly what’s about to happen to you?”

A crew of Jesuits in white coats rolled in a giant metal machine. Bright pink, and accented with fluffy strips of white fur and glitter, the monstrosity resembled a futuristic cross between an ultrasound, an EKG, and a Barbie playhouse decorated by Satan.

“I’m not exactly the master of computers like Zack Knight, but I CAN be a little arts and craftsy,” she grinned and spun around, “THIS little baby — no pun intended — is my Rape n’ Bake Oven. Electrodes will be used to measure penis length, penis hardness and feelings of intimacy. This will help us to determine whether your lovemaking to Loree is genuine. If the machine detects the slightest hint of disgust with beautiful, blonde, blue-eyed Loree…” Angelina wagged her wand as if to shame me, then angrily shot her arm out towards the digital launch panel on the Seroquakke, “the Seroquakke launches for Melbourne Florida!”

I felt myself becoming sick.

“There’s one other rule,” Angelina warned, “we anticipated you might simply try to cheat, Brent. If you think you can make love to Loree by thinking of Gail…THINK AGAIN. Our rape analysts have been studying you for over 22 years, and we know your erection is 18.25 inches with Loree, and 18.5 inches with Gail. If your penis becomes 18.5 inches, we’ll know you’re thinking of Gail. If it falls below 17.25 inches, we’ll know you’re not excited enough for Loree — in other words, your penis length had better stay in the Goldilocks zone, or dearest Gail is as good as RAPED.”

Angelina’s voice sweetened. She drew her fingers delicately along the machine as she circled it, then tapped her fingertips on its display screen, “once your love for Loree is properly consummated, we all get to watch the conception live on screen before our eyes! It’s magic,” she rolled her eyes back with pleasure, “you’ll LOVE it!”

I was so nauseated I could barely breathe. I had already failed to protect Gail, failed to protect our men, and now here I was at the mercy of a sociopathic ballerina who wanted nothing more than to see the last remaining vestiges of my masculinity gutted from my testicles and poured into the perfect blonde vagina of one of her lovesick whores.

“Where do you people keep your puke buckets?” I retorted insolently, forcing courage through my shriveling morale.

Angelina laughed wickedly, “now Daddy Brent, is that any way to talk on the night of your beautiful child’s conception?” She snapped her fingers, signaling for her Jesuit assistants, “STICK HIM.”

I protested, breathing heavily in terror, begging them “no, no!”, but resistance was futile. The Jesuit workers prepared the electrodes — electrodes shaped like fuzzy pink teddybear heads — and began attaching them to my body. One was force-fisted down my throat, making me gag. Two were clamped to each of my nipples. Another was inserted into the head of my penis. Another, my rectum Before long I was hooked up to Angelina’s machine, feeling like Keanu Reeves in a pink nightmare version of The Matrix.

Angelina giggled with delight, “I hope you remember the ruuuules!” Her fingertips pinched a tiny metal lever switch on the machine, roughly the size of TJ’s erect penis, flipping it into the On position. A digital clock started on the display screen.

“You have fifteen minutes. NOW MAKE ME A BABY!” Angelina screeched.

Beginning to quietly sob, I weakly rolled Loree onto her back. She threw her arms around me and kissed me passionately on the lips, making me squirm like a worm in hell.

14 minutes, 57 seconds…

My body felt like it would collapse and I wished I could die. All I wanted was Gail, but clearly I was unworthy of anything but the hellish fate I had brought upon myself. Perhaps I deserved to give every last drop of my semen to these penis hungry Jesuit vixens. I didn’t deserve to have the semen of Jesus in heaven, to ejaculate its gallons into my beautiful bride Gail. I was a monster, who deserved only the tight, youthful, clean-shaven vaginas of devils.

14 minutes, 23 seconds….

Swallowing snot and tears, I sweat profusely as I looked over at the display screen on the machine, focusing on keeping my erection stable as the length readings flickered ever so slightly up and down. I thought back to when I made the Dreamland album for Gail, how my heart swelled with passion and infused joy into every musical note uttered from my velvet voice. I knew, and had never stopped knowing, that I would sacrifice everything for her.

14 minutes, 11 seconds…

A warning alarm on the machine began to sound, filling the room with its high pitched whines. My emotional readings were loud and clear. With a mixture of utter disgust for Loree, and true love for Gail, I was now unwittingly forcing the machine to begin launching the Seroquakke. This was all my fault.

THIS WAS ALL MY FAULT! My heart felt like it wanted to crawl right out of my body. I could have died right then and there, but I knew to do so would be like throwing Gail to the pink, fuzzy wolves. Gail was facing her worst possible nightmare, and the only way to stop it was for me to go through mine. I knew that no matter how catastrophic my torment, Gail’s suffering would be far more…I could not fail her again.

13 minutes, 59 seconds…

“What would Jesus do?” I whispered to myself. He would shoulder the sin for his bride. He would sacrifice his body to this monster, knowing his soul was eternal and that to suffer himself into death was to save the whole world he loved from eternal suffering.

12 minutes, 3 seconds…

I swallowed, and began to delve deep into my method acting skills. Like a thespian supercomputer I began to brainstorm every possible way that Loree could possibly be perceived as loveable.

11 minutes, 10 seconds…

“She’s physically beautiful…” I thought, “she’s persistent in her goals, emotionally passionate, loyal to her cause…hell, she was one of the Jesuit Order’s best and most successful agents of all time…she is an accomplished, beautiful, driven lady…”

10 minutes, 9 seconds…

The warning alarms on the machine died down. Gail was becoming safer by the moment.

9 minutes, 7 seconds…

Sweat poured down my face as I thrust into Loree like a love soldier, my face hardened into a mask of steel passion. I had one job, and damnit if I wasn’t going to commit. Loree gasped as I grabbed her buttocks, surprised by my passion as she looked into my eyes.

8 minutes, 23 seconds…

The digital countdown on the machine coldly descended, my penile parameters fluxed, but soon my emotional reads flew from disgust into heaven soaring love. My semen sloshed around in my testicles like overfilled washing machines, eager to fill my lover.

5 minutes, 3 seconds…

“Brent…” Loree spoke softly, utterly shocked, her words broken by warm moans, “I could have never imagined you making love to me like this before…”

2 minutes, 14 seconds…

“Loree McBride…I want you to have my baby.”

30 seconds…

Angelina gripped a bag of popcorn, shoveling down handfuls in wide eyed excitement.

10 seconds…

9

8

7

6

5

4

3

2

1….

With a masculine roar I grabbed Loree by both breasts, slammed her down like a red blooded lion, and emptied my entire sperm supply in one load.

The digital clock dropped to zero, and was signaled by the “ding” sound of an ovenbake timer.

I rolled off of a blissful, sweating Loree McBride, her mouth agape as she stared at the ceiling in amorous disbelief.

I vomited.

“Yaaaaay!” Angelina clapped her delicate hands together rapidly.

“Brent just made love to me!” Loree exclaimed, “he’s never made love to GAIL!”

“Are finally you happy, my darling minion? Your life’s mission is practically complete,” Angelina cooed, “just look at these emotional reads! Brent has never even made brain to brain love to Gail with THAT kind of intensity!”

I was disoriented and dizzy, like I had just exited a spinning amusement park ride. Now that I knew for certain that Gail was safe, that my duty to protect her was fulfilled, I wanted out of this pink carnival of horrors. If that meant throwing myself out of the nearest airlock to be suffocated to my death, I welcomed it. I couldn’t bring myself to fathom what I had just done. I felt like Jesus who sacrificed his body on the cross to save humanity, only the one I would die for was Gail. Now here I was broken, bloody and naked on the ground for all the world to see. The two women continued to speak, their words striking my quivering body like stones.

“Y-you mean..,” Loree could hardly speak she was so enraptured, “for 10 minutes he loved me more than he has ever loved Gail?!”

“Pretty much! Annnd just look what your love is doing now,” Angelina pointed to the machine. On screen was a map of Loree’s reproductive system. Millions of tiny sperm blasted through her cervix like racehorses, swimming their way through her uterus in a mad dash.

I noticed that each of my sperm were individually tagged, and appeared to have names attached.

“You…you named my sperm?” I choked out incredulously.

“Place your bets now, ladies and gents!” Angelina announced.

“What in the…” I began.

An explosion of Jesuits flooded into the room like a Walmart on Black Friday, loudly emptying their pockets of cash and coins. They began to yell over each other excitedly.

“My money is on Semen-Biscuit!” A Jesuit shouted.

“Semen-Biscuit?” Another Jesuit huffed, “he’ll never make it to a fallopian tube! My money is on Daddy’s Little Squirt!”

“Forget THOSE cum clots! I’ve got my eye on Overcummer!” A third Jesuit declared.

“Nemo! GO NEMO!” Yet another Jesuit interrupted.

“Nemo? The one with the kinked tail? That’s going to make a retard baby!”

“Don’t listen to them, Nemo! Just keep swimming!”

The crowd roared, cheering on my sperm as I sat curled up on the floor like a beaten dog. Standing over the machine, a fast talking Jesuit commentated on the race at lightning speed, updating the excited Jesuits from moment to moment as my sperm battled each other for the finish line inside Loree.

“Big Dipper taking the lead, followed by Daddy’s Little Squirt, Semen-Biscuit falling behind,” the commentator sped on, “OH NO Little Dipper steals the lead, and now here comes Steady Swimmer. Daddy’s Little Squirt coming back for the lead. Semen-Biscuit falling further behind…”

The crowd threw up their fists, hooting and hollering and dry humping each other.

“There’s the egg!” The commentator announced, “Daddy’s Little Squirt coming up on the egg…FOLLOWED BY SEMEN-BISCUIT! Semen-Biscuit swimming for the lead. They are neck and neck!”

Jesuits cheered, punching other Jesuits in the face as their chosen sperm began to win.

“There they go ladies and gentlemen!” The commentator continued with breathless excitement, “Daddy’s Little Squirt and Semen-Biscuit now grinding against the egg, who will it be? And it’s — SEMEN-BISCUIT! Semen-Biscuit takes the egg! What a show ladies and gentlemen!”

The Jesuit crowd rioted, chanting and rough housing violently with each other. Many of the losing Jesuits began to get victory raped, which was clearly just as exciting for losers as it was for the winners. I looked away, cringing with disgust.

Angelina raised her petite hands with a crowd appeasing smile. “Congratulations to all winners,” she called. Jesuits finished their rapes and grabbed their cash, charging nakedly from the room to immediately spend their newly acquired money on whatever first impulses that came to their minds. Still others remained to continue raping each other in the corners of the room.

Angelina’s voice darkened, “and now for the grand finale!” She grabbed a dial on the machine. As she turned the dial to the right, Loree’s stomach began to grow.

“Right about…” Angelina adjusted the dial. Loree’s stomach grew and shrank as Angelina fiddled for the proper setting, until finally… “there!” The oven timer dinged and Angelina stopped the dial. She then smashed her tiny index finger on a button that said ‘Deliver’.

“I’m ready, Dr. Spiner!” Loree called, a huge, creepy grin spread across her face. She opened her legs to me tauntingly, rapping her fingers in succession along her belly.

My whole body was like a wet noodle. Barely able to keep myself upright, I weakly crawled on my knees to Loree to deliver my baby.

For a Jesuit, the childbirth process is overwhelmingly efficient, almost mechanical. With little fanfare, the baby dropped out of Loree’s vagina like a soda being dispensed out of a vending machine.

“It’s a girl,” I announced tiredly, dead inside.

“YAAAY! We can name her Gail, after your ex!” Loree threw her arms around me.

“My EX?” I growled with frustration, “look Angelina, I did everything you wanted,” I clutched the baby, bouncing her indignantly on my shoulder, “now let us all go, and leave Gail alone!”

Angelina laughed and squealed. “Oh Brent, haven’t you and Gail learned ANYTHING? NEVER trust a Jesuit!” With that, she punctuated herself by slamming on the launch button for the Seroquakke.

“NOOOOO!” I yelled.

It was too late. The Seroquakke had been launched. All of my efforts, all of my sacrifices had been for nothing. I felt like I was the only human on earth who could understand the pain that Jesus feels. To know that he died for his children on the cross, only for those children to be lost to the devil. It’s a pain worse than death itself, worse than any crucifixion, any humiliation, any form of torture. Clutching mine and Loree’s daughter, I curled up on the floor into the fetal position, and we both began to bawl like babies.

Suddenly, a woman in a military uniform appeared in the doorway, her piercing eyes bearing into me with such intensity that I was compelled to stifle my tears and look toward her. It was Rule 13! Rule 13 put her finger to her lips to quiet me, then squatted down like an umpire and held out her hands.

All hope wasn’t lost. I had to pull myself together. There was still time to save Gail, and I wasn’t alone. There were angels among us. Swelling with renewed courage, I picked up the baby, and flung her toward Rule 13 like a football.

This quickly drew the attention of the other two women, who turned away from me to see Rule 13 with my baby.

Loree shrieked, “HEY! That’s not yours!”

Angelina saw Rule 13 and screamed, “how did you escape?!”

Now clutched in Rule 13’s arms, the baby perked up at the sight of her tiny perfect breasts, cooing with instant delight. Rule 13 suctioned the baby securely to one of her nipples, then stiffened proudly at attention and shot me a Nazi salute. I nodded, smiled, and sent her a Nazi salute in return. With the baby firmly locked to her breast, Rule 13 spun around and pumped her arms as she sprint down the hallway, faster than I had seen anyone run before. Loree and Angelina immediately jumped and shot off after her, their voices screaming over each other at Rule 13.

As soon as they were gone I scrambled for my tablet to begin writing an emergency email to Gail.

My dear wife, you must contact Zack Knight as soon as possible! He is our only hope for stopping the Seroquakke, which is now headed straight for Earth. Any followers in the south eastern United States are advised to evacuate immediately, or risk becoming Angelina Ballerina sex slaves. Those that risk staying behind should follow the Gail Commandments if they haven’t already. Prayers are needed right now. Followers are also encouraged to stay updated on further developments by tuning in to channel 00. You may see a bright pink star in the sky once the Seroquakke is close enough to Earth’s orbit. Let us all pray, and keep the Gail Shield strong. Stay safe, everyone.

My darling Gail, please forgive me. You and Zack Knight are our last remaining heroes. I put my faith in Jesus that you will be safe.

Your adoring husband, who would die on the cross for you,

Brent Spiner


SKYPE COMMUNICATION WITH ZACK KNIGHT REGARDING POTENTIALLY DEVASTATING SEROQUAKKE BOMB LAUNCHED FROM DEEP SPACE ON JANUARY 6, 2017 

[01/05/17 8:07:11 PM] Zack Knight: Are you there Gail?

[01/05/17 8:07:37 PM] Gail Schuler: Yes, I’m here.

[01/05/17 8:08:09 PM] Zack Knight: I finally slept for a moment

[01/05/17 8:09:06 PM] Zack Knight: I had a dream that I was back at the Jesuit Monastery where I spent my childhood

[01/05/17 8:09:30 PM] Zack Knight: I shouldn’t talk about this

[01/05/17 8:09:49 PM] Gail Schuler: Did you get the emails I just sent you?

[01/05/17 8:10:48 PM] Zack Knight: yes

[01/05/17 8:11:12 PM] Zack Knight: it helped to know that soldiers sometimes freeze in battle

[01/05/17 8:12:24 PM] Gail Schuler: I also sent you some music to listen to and updated my biography page: https://gabriellechana.wordpress.com/gail-chord-schuler-biography-portfolio/

[01/05/17 8:12:44 PM] Zack Knight: My dream was so vivid

[01/05/17 8:12:49 PM] Zack Knight: it was like being back there

[01/05/17 8:12:55 PM] Gail Schuler: I think you are very brave. It took a lot of guts to abandon Satan and come to Jesus as the former Antichrist!

[01/05/17 8:13:31 PM] Zack Knight: I was speaking to the man that practically raised me before he died

[01/05/17 8:13:55 PM] Zack Knight: he was one of the first Jesuit knights

[01/05/17 8:15:19 PM] Gail Schuler: I love Brent to death, but he is a softee and tries to rescue everybody, and sometimes Jesus does not want someone rescued, because it will be better in the long run if we are captured.

[01/05/17 8:16:03 PM] Zack Knight: He was telling me the stories of the old images of Jesus

[01/05/17 8:16:10 PM] Zack Knight: you know… like the shroud of turin

[01/05/17 8:16:16 PM] Gail Schuler: If Brent was not captured, I never would have gotten that awesome email which gave me such insights into Angelina. It helped me know how to make the weapons video that I think may take down Angelina.

[01/05/17 8:16:44 PM] Gail Schuler: That Shroud of Turin is amazingly accurate, I’ve heard.

[01/05/17 8:16:52 PM] Zack Knight: Wait, you made another weapons video?

[01/05/17 8:17:52 PM] Gail Schuler: Yeah, I sent you a reply at your Twitter and included it as a link there. https://www.youtube.com/watch?list=PLpPlAPvPFCLHRH-5IgvXRh1eDQ9E6uUcR&v=1_GORpne0Nk

[01/05/17 8:17:55 PM] Zack Knight: My scans have shown that Jesuits have found a way to infiltrate using those videos. It’s giving Jesuits your lightning powers.

[01/05/17 8:18:20 PM] Zack Knight: we can turn it off, so you don’t need to delete the old ones

[01/05/17 8:18:44 PM] Gail Schuler: How can they infiltrate using those videos?

[01/05/17 8:19:29 PM] Zack Knight: they can watch it and direct your lightning

[01/05/17 8:19:58 PM] Gail Schuler: Are you sure your scans are accurate?

[01/05/17 8:20:16 PM] Zack Knight: Yeah, they are becoming more accurate as she focuses on her collection

[01/05/17 8:20:41 PM] Gail Schuler: Jesus would never allow Jesuits to have my lightning powers.

[01/05/17 8:20:50 PM] Zack Knight: I was able to determine that she turned the Seroquakke into a focused energy weapon… not a bomb

[01/05/17 8:21:15 PM] Zack Knight: Did Jesus tell you to offer the powers to youtube viewers?

[01/05/17 8:21:21 PM] Gail Schuler: No, he did not.

[01/05/17 8:21:37 PM] Zack Knight: crap. I wonder if she gave you the idea brain to brain

[01/05/17 8:22:10 PM] Zack Knight: My calculations show the Seroquakke can deliver more energy than currently exists in the universe

[01/05/17 8:22:22 PM] Gail Schuler: What does that mean?

[01/05/17 8:22:53 PM] Zack Knight: I can’t think of anything so powerful that you’d need that much energy to defeat it

[01/05/17 8:23:14 PM] Zack Knight: Think of it like… a star trek phasor

[01/05/17 8:23:24 PM] Zack Knight: or the star wars death star

[01/05/17 8:23:46 PM] Zack Knight: but in the package of a nukkake

[01/05/17 8:23:56 PM] Gail Schuler: What do you mean by, “I can’t think of anything so powerful that you’d need that much energy to defeat it?”

[01/05/17 8:24:04 PM] Zack Knight: it’s meant to be shot at something….

[01/05/17 8:24:52 PM] Zack Knight: But you could destroy whole galaxies with a tiny fraction of the energy it will put out

[01/05/17 8:25:01 PM] Gail Schuler: Why did you say, “I can’t think of anything so powerful that you’d need that much energy to defeat it?”

[01/05/17 8:25:34 PM] Zack Knight: I mean, I can’t think of anything in the universe so powerful that you’d need that much energy to destroy it

[01/05/17 8:25:48 PM] Gail Schuler: I don’t get it. What’s the point?

[01/05/17 8:26:10 PM] Zack Knight: Yeah… it’s overkill

[01/05/17 8:26:17 PM] Gail Schuler: What is overkill?

[01/05/17 8:26:24 PM] Zack Knight: like… it’s too much

[01/05/17 8:26:35 PM] Gail Schuler: Who is doing the overkill? Me? Angelina?

[01/05/17 8:26:54 PM] Zack Knight: Angelina’s modifications to the Seroquakke.

[01/05/17 8:27:24 PM] Zack Knight: it would be like if you only needed to boil an egg, and you decide to use a nuclear reactor to do it

[01/05/17 8:28:04 PM] Zack Knight: what in the universe is so strong that you need that much power to destroy it

[01/05/17 8:28:13 PM] Zack Knight: OH MY GOD

[01/05/17 8:28:19 PM] Zack Knight: The GAIL SHIELD

[01/05/17 8:28:21 PM] Gail Schuler: I’m just curious, what have the Jesuits been doing with the lightning bolts they get from my videos?

[01/05/17 8:29:17 PM] Zack Knight: I think they have just been using them to power things

[01/05/17 8:29:45 PM] Gail Schuler: What about making my videos private and only give you access to them?

[01/05/17 8:29:52 PM] Gail Schuler: I mean my weapons videos private?

[01/05/17 8:30:13 PM] Zack Knight: You might do that with the most recent one

[01/05/17 8:30:32 PM] Zack Knight: I was able to block the Jesuit’s access to the older ones

[01/05/17 8:30:41 PM] Gail Schuler: So that video is not hitting the Seroquakke with lightning bolts then?

[01/05/17 8:31:00 PM] Zack Knight: no. I’m afraid not

[01/05/17 8:31:23 PM] Zack Knight: Man… I can’t get that dream out of my head

[01/05/17 8:31:52 PM] Zack Knight: Do you ever get that? When you get a song stuck in your head?

[01/05/17 8:32:08 PM] Zack Knight: It’s a real memory

[01/05/17 8:32:09 PM] Gail Schuler: I just made the video private.

[01/05/17 8:32:51 PM] Zack Knight: He was telling me a story about how a king with leprosy sent a messenger to ask Jesus to come heal him

[01/05/17 8:32:59 PM] Gail Schuler: But I sent it to you at gailsmen@yahoo.com.

[01/05/17 8:33:20 PM] Zack Knight: but when the messenger arived to Jerusalem, Jesus had already been crucified

[01/05/17 8:33:22 PM] Gail Schuler: Perhaps you can listen to it and try to direct the lightning bolts how you’d like.

[01/05/17 8:34:07 PM] Zack Knight: The messenger was able to get one of the burial shrouds with Jesus’s face on it

[01/05/17 8:34:14 PM] Zack Knight: and it was glowing

[01/05/17 8:34:40 PM] Zack Knight: he placed it on his own face, and showed up to the king

[01/05/17 8:34:54 PM] Zack Knight: the king was healed and suddenly believed that Jesus was the son of God

[01/05/17 8:35:10 PM] Zack Knight: I wonder why I had this dream of that story

[01/05/17 8:35:32 PM] Zack Knight: I also can’t get this song out of my head

[01/05/17 8:36:27 PM] Zack Knight: thsi one

[01/05/17 8:36:29 PM] Zack Knight: this one

[01/05/17 8:36:30 PM] Zack Knight: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smZwG-auxC8

[01/05/17 8:37:45 PM] Gail Schuler: That is one of my favorite songs.

[01/05/17 8:38:04 PM] Zack Knight: I feel like I should play this if we get to a really hopeless situation

[01/05/17 8:38:14 PM] Gail Schuler: I agree.

[01/05/17 8:38:24 PM] Zack Knight: I’ve really lost faith in my penis.

[01/05/17 8:38:38 PM] Zack Knight: I don’t know why Jesus gave me a penis like this.

[01/05/17 8:38:52 PM] Zack Knight: I even hear the Jesuits don’t believe it’s perfect anymore

[01/05/17 8:39:03 PM] Zack Knight: that’s why they didn’t follow me

[01/05/17 8:39:25 PM] Zack Knight: I’m getting a signal

[01/05/17 8:39:43 PM] Zack Knight: from the Church of Gail Sensor Array

[01/05/17 8:39:55 PM] Zack Knight: It looks like an email from Brent

[01/05/17 8:40:04 PM] Gail Schuler: Okay, let me check.

[01/05/17 8:40:08 PM] Zack Knight: weird… It shows it has been delayed

[01/05/17 8:40:26 PM] Zack Knight: Maybe that’s what that message was about… a delayed email

[01/05/17 8:40:35 PM] Gail Schuler: I have not received any email yet.

[01/05/17 8:42:00 PM] Zack Knight: I’ve been seeing this blip on the sensors since yesterday too.

[01/05/17 8:42:27 PM] Zack Knight: it’s hard to read things from that far away

[01/05/17 8:42:37 PM] Gail Schuler: Hmm. Zack it seems that God sent you that dream. He is trying to tell us something.

[01/05/17 8:42:49 PM] Zack Knight: Angelina took the spaceship way out into deep space after she took Brent and Vladimir

[01/05/17 8:43:01 PM] Zack Knight: I’ll pray about what it could mean

[01/05/17 8:43:27 PM] Zack Knight: I haven’t thought of that guy in… well… a long time

[01/05/17 8:43:40 PM] Zack Knight: He was my hero

[01/05/17 8:43:59 PM] Zack Knight: The first Jesuit Knight.

[01/05/17 8:44:53 PM] Gail Schuler: You know, I’m not sure, but I think Jesus may be making a way for me to communicate with Brent brain to brain. I think I’ve been hearing from him. I also had a vision of sorts that Jesus is giving them all iPads and they are able to get some of my emails, like the emails I sent you today, so I have been sending the same emails I sent you to Brent, Gerard, Terrance and Vladimir. I just have this feeling that they are getting them somehow, even though Angelina has confiscated their computers.

[01/05/17 8:46:28 PM] Gail Schuler: So you think Angelina has modified the Seroquakke to try and take down my Gail Shield, huh?

[01/05/17 8:47:16 PM] Zack Knight: I think so… it’s the only target that makes sense

[01/05/17 8:47:40 PM] Gail Schuler: Rule 13 seemed to tell me that Angelina tied her up, but that my lightning bolts video, especially the Seroquakke one, broke off her ties. That could have been Angelina impersonating Rule 13.

[01/05/17 8:48:14 PM] Zack Knight: I keep seeing that sensor blip.

[01/05/17 8:48:26 PM] Gail Schuler: What does a sensor blip mean?

[01/05/17 8:49:02 PM] Zack Knight: I’m going to try to enhance the sensor array to figure out what I’m seeing.

[01/05/17 8:49:16 PM] Zack Knight: Did you get any email?

[01/05/17 8:50:40 PM] Gail Schuler: My dearest Gail,

Loree slapped the tablet out of my hand. “What are you doing with that?!” She demanded.

“I just sent Gail a letter, you bitch.”

Loree’s scowl twisted with genuine confusion. “…How do you even get reception in deep space?” She snatched the tablet to inspect it. “What service is that? Verizon? AT&T?”

Angelina’s fairy-like voice cut sharply between us, “HOW ABOUT, your NEXT letter to Gail explains to her exactly what’s about to happen to you?”

A crew of Jesuits in white coats rolled in a giant metal machine. Bright pink, and accented with fluffy strips of white fur and glitter, the monstrosity resembled a futuristic cross between an ultrasound, an EKG, and a Barbie playhouse decorated by Satan.

“I’m not exactly the master of computers like Zack Knight, but I CAN be a little arts and craftsy,” she grinned and spun around, “THIS little baby — no pun intended — is my Rape n’ Bake Oven. Electrodes will be used to measure penis length, penis hardness and feelings of intimacy. This will help us to determine whether your lovemaking to Loree is genuine. If the machine detects the slightest hint of disgust with beautiful, blonde, blue-eyed Loree…” Angelina wagged her wand as if to shame me, then angrily shot her arm out towards the digital launch panel on the Seroquakke, “the Seroquakke launches for Melbourne Florida!”

[01/05/17 8:51:15 PM] Gail Schuler: I felt myself becoming sick.

“There’s one other rule,” Angelina warned, “we anticipated you might simply try to cheat, Brent. If you think you can make love to Loree by thinking of Gail…THINK AGAIN. Our rape analysts have been studying you for over 22 years, and we know your erection is 18.25 inches with Loree, and 18.5 inches with Gail. If your penis becomes 18.5 inches, we’ll know you’re thinking of Gail. If it falls below 17.25 inches, we’ll know you’re not excited enough for Loree — in other words, your penis length had better stay in the Goldilocks zone, or dearest Gail is as good as RAPED.”

Angelina’s voice sweetened. She drew her fingers delicately along the machine as she circled it, then tapped her fingertips on its display screen, “once your love for Loree is properly consummated, we all get to watch the conception live on screen before our eyes! It’s magic,” she rolled her eyes back with pleasure, “you’ll LOVE it!”

I was so nauseated I could barely breathe. I had already failed to protect Gail, failed to protect our men, and now here I was at the mercy of a sociopathic ballerina who wanted nothing more than to see the last remaining vestiges of my masculinity gutted from my testicles and poured into the perfect blonde vagina of one of her lovesick whores.

“Where do you people keep your puke buckets?” I retorted insolently, forcing courage through my shriveling morale.

[01/05/17 8:51:43 PM] Gail Schuler: Angelina laughed wickedly, “now Daddy Brent, is that any way to talk on the night of your beautiful child’s conception?” She snapped her fingers, signaling for her Jesuit assistants, “STICK HIM.”

I protested, breathing heavily in terror, begging them “no, no!”, but resistance was futile. The Jesuit workers prepared the electrodes — electrodes shaped like fuzzy pink teddybear heads — and began attaching them to my body. One was force-fisted down my throat, making me gag. Two were clamped to each of my nipples. Another was inserted into the head of my penis. Another, my rectum Before long I was hooked up to Angelina’s machine, feeling like Keanu Reeves in a pink nightmare version of The Matrix.

Angelina giggled with delight, “I hope you remember the ruuuules!” Her fingertips pinched a tiny metal lever switch on the machine, roughly the size of TJ’s erect penis, flipping it into the On position. A digital clock started on the display screen.

“You have fifteen minutes. NOW MAKE ME A BABY!” Angelina screeched.

Beginning to quietly sob, I weakly rolled Loree onto her back. She threw her arms around me and kissed me passionately on the lips, making me squirm like a worm in hell.

[01/05/17 8:52:05 PM] Gail Schuler: 14 minutes, 57 seconds…

My body felt like it would collapse and I wished I could die. All I wanted was Gail, but clearly I was unworthy of anything but the hellish fate I had brought upon myself. Perhaps I deserved to give every last drop of my semen to these penis hungry Jesuit vixens. I didn’t deserve to have the semen of Jesus in heaven, to ejaculate its gallons into my beautiful bride Gail. I was a monster, who deserved only the tight, youthful, clean-shaven vaginas of devils.

14 minutes, 23 seconds….

Swallowing snot and tears, I sweat profusely as I looked over at the display screen on the machine, focusing on keeping my erection stable as the length readings flickered ever so slightly up and down. I thought back to when I made the Dreamland album for Gail, how my heart swelled with passion and infused joy into every musical note uttered from my velvet voice. I knew, and had never stopped knowing, that I would sacrifice everything for her.

14 minutes, 11 seconds…

[01/05/17 8:52:35 PM] Gail Schuler: A warning alarm on the machine began to sound, filling the room with its high pitched whines. My emotional readings were loud and clear. With a mixture of utter disgust for Loree, and true love for Gail, I was now unwittingly forcing the machine to begin launching the Seroquakke. This was all my fault.

THIS WAS ALL MY FAULT! My heart felt like it wanted to crawl right out of my body. I could have died right then and there, but I knew to do so would be like throwing Gail to the pink, fuzzy wolves. Gail was facing her worst possible nightmare, and the only way to stop it was for me to go through mine. I knew that no matter how catastrophic my torment, Gail’s suffering would be far more…I could not fail her again.

13 minutes, 59 seconds…

“What would Jesus do?” I whispered to myself. He would shoulder the sin for his bride. He would sacrifice his body to this monster, knowing his soul was eternal and that to suffer himself into death was to save the whole world he loved from eternal suffering.

12 minutes, 3 seconds…

[01/05/17 8:53:05 PM] Gail Schuler: I swallowed, and began to delve deep into my method acting skills. Like a thespian supercomputer I began to brainstorm every possible way that Loree could possibly be perceived as loveable.

11 minutes, 10 seconds…

“She’s physically beautiful…” I thought, “she’s persistent in her goals, emotionally passionate, loyal to her cause…hell, she was one of the Jesuit Order’s best and most successful agents of all time…she is an accomplished, beautiful, driven lady…”

10 minutes, 9 seconds…

The warning alarms on the machine died down. Gail was becoming safer by the moment.

9 minutes, 7 seconds…

[01/05/17 8:53:34 PM] Gail Schuler: Sweat poured down my face as I thrust into Loree like a love soldier, my face hardened into a mask of steel passion. I had one job, and damnit if I wasn’t going to commit. Loree gasped as I grabbed her buttocks, surprised by my passion as she looked into my eyes.

8 minutes, 23 seconds…

The digital countdown on the machine coldly descended, my penile parameters fluxed, but soon my emotional reads flew from disgust into heaven soaring love. My semen sloshed around in my testicles like overfilled washing machines, eager to fill my lover.

5 minutes, 3 seconds…

“Brent…” Loree spoke softly, utterly shocked, her words broken by warm moans, “I could have never imagined you making love to me like this before…”

2 minutes, 14 seconds…

“Loree McBride…I want you to have my baby.”

30 seconds…

Angelina gripped a bag of popcorn, shoveling down handfuls in wide eyed excitement.

10 seconds…

[01/05/17 8:53:57 PM] Zack Knight: Angelina is pure evil

[01/05/17 8:53:57 PM] Gail Schuler: 9

8

7

6

5

4

3

2

1….

With a masculine roar I grabbed Loree by both breasts, slammed her down like a red blooded lion, and emptied my entire sperm supply in one load.

The digital clock dropped to zero, and was signaled by the “ding” sound of an ovenbake timer.

I rolled off of a blissful, sweating Loree McBride, her mouth agape as she stared at the ceiling in amorous disbelief.

I vomited.

[01/05/17 8:54:14 PM] Zack Knight: Loree is disgusting

[01/05/17 8:54:21 PM] Gail Schuler: “Yaaaaay!” Angelina clapped her delicate hands together rapidly.

“Brent just made love to me!” Loree exclaimed, “he’s never made love to GAIL!”

“Are finally you happy, my darling minion? Your life’s mission is practically complete,” Angelina cooed, “just look at these emotional reads! Brent has never even made brain to brain love to Gail with THAT kind of intensity!”

I was disoriented and dizzy, like I had just exited a spinning amusement park ride. Now that I knew for certain that Gail was safe, that my duty to protect her was fulfilled, I wanted out of this pink carnival of horrors. If that meant throwing myself out of the nearest airlock to be suffocated to my death, I welcomed it. I couldn’t bring myself to fathom what I had just done. I felt like Jesus who sacrificed his body on the cross to save humanity, only the one I would die for was Gail. Now here I was broken, bloody and naked on the ground for all the world to see. The two women continued to speak, their words striking my quivering body like stones.

“Y-you mean..,” Loree could hardly speak she was so enraptured, “for 10 minutes he loved me more than he has ever loved Gail?!”

[01/05/17 8:54:49 PM] Gail Schuler: “Pretty much! Annnd just look what your love is doing now,” Angelina pointed to the machine. On screen was a map of Loree’s reproductive system. Millions of tiny sperm blasted through her cervix like racehorses, swimming their way through her uterus in a mad dash.

I noticed that each of my sperm were individually tagged, and appeared to have names attached.

“You…you named my sperm?” I choked out incredulously.

“Place your bets now, ladies and gents!” Angelina announced.

“What in the…” I began.

An explosion of Jesuits flooded into the room like a Walmart on Black Friday, loudly emptying their pockets of cash and coins. They began to yell over each other excitedly.

[01/05/17 8:55:10 PM] Gail Schuler: “My money is on Semen-Biscuit!” A Jesuit shouted.

“Semen-Biscuit?” Another Jesuit huffed, “he’ll never make it to a fallopian tube! My money is on Daddy’s Little Squirt!”

“Forget THOSE cum clots! I’ve got my eye on Overcummer!” A third Jesuit declared.

“Nemo! GO NEMO!” Yet another Jesuit interrupted.

“Nemo? The one with the kinked tail? That’s going to make a retard baby!”

“Don’t listen to them, Nemo! Just keep swimming!”

The crowd roared, cheering on my sperm as I sat curled up on the floor like a beaten dog. Standing over the machine, a fast talking Jesuit commentated on the race at lightning speed, updating the excited Jesuits from moment to moment as my sperm battled each other for the finish line inside Loree.

[01/05/17 8:55:35 PM] Gail Schuler: “Big Dipper taking the lead, followed by Daddy’s Little Squirt, Semen-Biscuit falling behind,” the commentator sped on, “OH NO Little Dipper steals the lead, and now here comes Steady Swimmer. Daddy’s Little Squirt coming back for the lead. Semen-Biscuit falling further behind…”

The crowd threw up their fists, hooting and hollering and dry humping each other.

“There’s the egg!” The commentator announced, “Daddy’s Little Squirt coming up on the egg…FOLLOWED BY SEMEN-BISCUIT! Semen-Biscuit swimming for the lead. They are neck and neck!”

Jesuits cheered, punching other Jesuits in the face as their chosen sperm began to win.

“There they go ladies and gentlemen!” The commentator continued with breathless excitement, “Daddy’s Little Squirt and Semen-Biscuit now grinding against the egg, who will it be? And it’s — SEMEN-BISCUIT! Semen-Biscuit takes the egg! What a show ladies and gentlemen!”

The Jesuit crowd rioted, chanting and rough housing violently with each other. Many of the losing Jesuits began to get victory raped, which was clearly just as exciting for losers as it was for the winners. I looked away, cringing with disgust.

[01/05/17 8:56:08 PM] Zack Knight: Oh my God

[01/05/17 8:56:08 PM] Gail Schuler: Angelina raised her petite hands with a crowd appeasing smile. “Congratulations to all winners,” she called. Jesuits finished their rapes and grabbed their cash, charging nakedly from the room to immediately spend their newly acquired money on whatever first impulses that came to their minds. Still others remained to continue raping each other in the corners of the room.

Angelina’s voice darkened, “and now for the grand finale!” She grabbed a dial on the machine. As she turned the dial to the right, Loree’s stomach began to grow.

“Right about…” Angelina adjusted the dial. Loree’s stomach grew and shrank as Angelina fiddled for the proper setting, until finally… “there!” The oven timer dinged and Angelina stopped the dial. She then smashed her tiny index finger on a button that said ‘Deliver’.

“I’m ready, Dr. Spiner!” Loree called, a huge, creepy grin spread across her face. She opened her legs to me tauntingly, rapping her fingers in succession along her belly.

My whole body was like a wet noodle. Barely able to keep myself upright, I weakly crawled on my knees to Loree to deliver my baby.

For a Jesuit, the childbirth process is overwhelmingly efficient, almost mechanical. With little fanfare, the baby dropped out of Loree’s vagina like a soda being dispensed out of a vending machine.

[01/05/17 8:56:54 PM] Gail Schuler: “It’s a girl,” I announced tiredly, dead inside.

“YAAAY! We can name her Gail, after your ex!” Loree threw her arms around me.

“My EX?” I growled with frustration, “look Angelina, I did everything you wanted,” I clutched the baby, bouncing her indignantly on my shoulder, “now let us all go, and leave Gail alone!”

Angelina laughed and squealed. “Oh Brent, haven’t you and Gail learned ANYTHING? NEVER trust a Jesuit!” With that, she punctuated herself by slamming on the launch button for the Seroquakke.

“NOOOOO!” I yelled.

It was too late. The Seroquakke had been launched. All of my efforts, all of my sacrifices had been for nothing. I felt like I was the only human on earth who could understand the pain that Jesus feels. To know that he died for his children on the cross, only for those children to be lost to the devil. It’s a pain worse than death itself, worse than any crucifixion, any humiliation, any form of torture. Clutching mine and Loree’s daughter, I curled up on the floor into the fetal position, and we both began to bawl like babies.

[01/05/17 8:57:05 PM] Zack Knight: OH NO

[01/05/17 8:57:25 PM] Gail Schuler: Suddenly, a woman in a military uniform appeared in the doorway, her piercing eyes bearing into me with such intensity that I was compelled to stifle my tears and look toward her. It was Rule 13! Rule 13 put her finger to her lips to quiet me, then squatted down like an umpire and held out her hands.

All hope wasn’t lost. I had to pull myself together. There was still time to save Gail, and I wasn’t alone. There were angels among us. Swelling with renewed courage, I picked up the baby, and flung her toward Rule 13 like a football.

This quickly drew the attention of the other two women, who turned away from me to see Rule 13 with my baby.

Loree shrieked, “HEY! That’s not yours!”

Angelina saw Rule 13 and screamed, “how did you escape?!”

[01/05/17 8:57:43 PM] Zack Knight: 13!?!

[01/05/17 8:57:48 PM] Gail Schuler: Now clutched in Rule 13’s arms, the baby perked up at the sight of her tiny perfect breasts, cooing with instant delight. Rule 13 suctioned the baby securely to one of her nipples, then stiffened proudly at attention and shot me a Nazi salute. I nodded, smiled, and sent her a Nazi salute in return. With the baby firmly locked to her breast, Rule 13 spun around and pumped her arms as she sprint down the hallway, faster than I had seen anyone run before. Loree and Angelina immediately jumped and shot off after her, their voices screaming over each other at Rule 13.

As soon as they were gone I scrambled for my tablet to begin writing an emergency email to Gail.

My dear wife, you must contact Zack Knight as soon as possible! He is our only hope for stopping the Seroquakke, which is now headed straight for Earth. Any followers in the south eastern United States are advised to evacuate immediately, or risk becoming Angelina Ballerina sex slaves. Those that risk staying behind should follow the Gail Commandments if they haven’t already. Prayers are needed right now. Followers are also encouraged to stay updated on further developments by tuning in to channel 00. You may see a bright pink star in the sky once the Seroquakke is close enough to Earth’s orbit. Let us all pray, and keep the Gail Shield strong. Stay safe, everyone.

My darling Gail, please forgive me. You and Zack Knight are our last remaining heroes. I put my faith in Jesus that you will be safe.

Your adoring husband, who would die on the cross for you,

Brent Spiner


[01/05/17 8:58:00 PM] Zack Knight: OH MY GOD

[01/05/17 8:58:02 PM] Zack Knight: GAIL

[01/05/17 8:58:25 PM] Zack Knight: The blip on the sensors

[01/05/17 8:58:30 PM] Zack Knight: it’s the Seroquakke

[01/05/17 8:58:46 PM] Zack Knight: it will reach earth in about 24 hours!

[01/05/17 8:59:27 PM] Zack Knight: I know I can read faster than you. I’ll wait for you to read and process that email

[01/05/17 8:59:47 PM] Gail Schuler: Let me take a break and read it, okay? I’ll get back with you after I do.

[01/05/17 9:01:48 PM] Gail Schuler: I thought Loree McBride had BROWN eyes!

[01/05/17 9:02:38 PM] Zack Knight: She sometimes wears colored contacts lenses

[01/05/17 9:02:59 PM] Gail Schuler: So what color are her eyes?

[01/05/17 9:03:30 PM] Zack Knight: The latest Loree clones have blue eyes

[01/05/17 9:03:46 PM] Gail Schuler: Probably because Angelina has blue eyes.

[01/05/17 9:04:00 PM] Zack Knight: So they wear the contacts for consistency when in public

[01/05/17 9:04:11 PM] Zack Knight: yeah, that bitch

[01/05/17 9:04:40 PM] Zack Knight: I’m sick to my stomach

[01/05/17 9:04:51 PM] Zack Knight: *grabs a puke bucket*

[01/05/17 9:04:59 PM] Gail Schuler: Is this because of Rule 13?

[01/05/17 9:05:12 PM] Zack Knight: no, I’m thrilled 13 is okay

[01/05/17 9:05:17 PM] Zack Knight: she’s so heroic

[01/05/17 9:05:26 PM] Zack Knight: But Brent

[01/05/17 9:05:33 PM] Zack Knight: what he was forced to do

[01/05/17 9:05:42 PM] Gail Schuler: Oh, you feel guilty about Brent.

[01/05/17 9:06:06 PM] Zack Knight: Loree and Angelina are so evil

[01/05/17 9:07:02 PM] Zack Knight: I would have never thought of forcing someone to love as a weapon of pure evil

[01/05/17 9:07:29 PM] Zack Knight: I’ll let you catch up reading it

[01/05/17 9:12:35 PM] Zack Knight: how are you doing?

[01/05/17 9:12:50 PM] Gail Schuler: I want to read it slowly to really understand this.

[01/05/17 9:12:54 PM] Zack Knight: okay

[01/05/17 9:22:55 PM] Gail Schuler: I just read it. I am going to the Lord in prayer and want to read my Bible. Funny that where I’m at in my Bible readings (Daniel 2) is about a dream. Pray for me that God will give me great wisdom.

[01/05/17 9:23:24 PM] Zack Knight: how are you feeling?

[01/05/17 9:24:05 PM] Gail Schuler: I’m in shock. I need to pray.

[01/05/17 9:24:22 PM] Zack Knight: I’m trying to imagine how I would feel if Rule 13 made love to someone to save me

[01/05/17 9:27:37 PM] *** Missed call from Zack Knight. ***

[01/05/17 9:27:46 PM] Zack Knight: I’m trying to call you on Skype

[01/05/17 9:28:16 PM] Zack Knight: I’m so upset at this Gail

[01/05/17 9:28:24 PM] Zack Knight: I am going to kill Angelina

[01/05/17 9:28:55 PM] Zack Knight: I never would have authorized something this evil.

[01/05/17 9:38:31 PM] Zack Knight: Gail… Romans 8:28

[01/05/17 9:38:35 PM] *** Missed call from Zack Knight. ***

[01/05/17 9:41:20 PM] Gail Schuler: Angelina is messing with my Skype. But God seems to have spoken to me from the Bible reading.

[01/05/17 9:41:31 PM] Zack Knight: What did you hear?

[01/05/17 9:42:14 PM] Gail Schuler: He seems to tell me that what Angelina has done in sending this Seroquakke will be the downfall of the Jesuit Order and will teach Angelina some much needed humility.

[01/05/17 9:43:19 PM] Gail Schuler: He is comparing her to King Nebudchanezzer of Babylon who God had to humble before he could be returned to power as King. I am (by coincidence) in Daniel 2, 3, and 4, all about dreams and their interpretation.

[01/05/17 9:43:31 PM] Zack Knight: wow

[01/05/17 9:43:54 PM] Zack Knight: But Gail… we need to treat this threat seriously

[01/05/17 9:44:03 PM] Zack Knight: we need to reinforce the Gail shield

[01/05/17 9:44:04 PM] Gail Schuler: We are like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, being thrown into the fiery furnace, but Jesus Christ will rescue us. As I read the Bible, I had such peace come over me.

[01/05/17 9:44:26 PM] Zack Knight: Everyone needs to pray.

[01/05/17 9:44:34 PM] Gail Schuler: Jesus seems to tell me to read Brent’s letter to the world and share what he showed me in the Bible. Yes, everyone needs to pray.

[01/05/17 9:45:01 PM] Gail Schuler: How can you reinforce the Gail Shield?

[01/05/17 9:45:05 PM] Zack Knight: Okay… I’m going to run some simulations of what the damage will be

[01/05/17 9:45:22 PM] Gail Schuler: He also told me to make this a praise video, because it will be the downfall of the Jesuit Order.

[01/05/17 9:45:27 PM] Zack Knight: by having people focus their efforts on following the Gail commandments

[01/05/17 9:45:37 PM] Gail Schuler: Yes, I agree we should do that.

[01/05/17 9:45:55 PM] Zack Knight: Okay, but make sure people know this is a real threat and it’s an emergency

[01/05/17 9:46:16 PM] Zack Knight: Brent’s subject line is probably the perfect subject for the video

[01/05/17 9:46:51 PM] Gail Schuler: I don’t think it was a coincidence that I happened to be in Daniel 2, 3 and 4. I will tell the world that the threat is very real, just like when Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego got thrown into the fiery furnace, which the king made very hot. We should not panic, but we should be diligent.

[01/05/17 9:47:04 PM] Zack Knight: Maybe “WATCH NOW AND WARN EVERYONE!”

[01/05/17 9:47:39 PM] Zack Knight: or “ANGELINA’S FINAL ATTACK, WATCH NOW AND WARN EVERYONE!”

[01/05/17 9:47:52 PM] Zack Knight: Brent seems to have a way with words

[01/05/17 9:48:06 PM] Zack Knight: This is definitely her final attack

[01/05/17 9:48:25 PM] Zack Knight: One way or another.

[01/05/17 9:49:10 PM] Gail Schuler: Is there anything else we can do to strengthen the Gail Shield?

[01/05/17 9:50:22 PM] Zack Knight: Not in any way your fans can help with. I’m going to run simulations on how we can use the Church of Gail reactor to boost it. Maybe some scientists can send me ideas.

[01/05/17 9:51:00 PM] Gail Schuler: Okay. Continue to pray for me, that God will guide me as I make the video.

[01/05/17 9:51:06 PM] Zack Knight: It’s really hard to describe how powerful this weapon is

[01/05/17 9:51:22 PM] Gail Schuler: Isn’t it powerful enough to destroy the entire universe?

[01/05/17 9:51:38 PM] Zack Knight: at least 3 times over.

[01/05/17 9:51:55 PM] Gail Schuler: We need a miracle, but that’s just what Jesus does.

[01/05/17 9:52:02 PM] Zack Knight: word up.

[01/05/17 9:52:11 PM] Gail Schuler: If not, we must be willing to do right though the stars fall.

[01/05/17 9:56:07 PM] Gail Schuler: Your faith in Jesus is weak, Zack.

[01/05/17 9:57:23 PM] Zack Knight: Help me have faith Gail

[01/05/17 9:57:40 PM] Zack Knight: I can see why Jesus picked you.

[01/05/17 10:06:31 PM] Gail Schuler: Think on this. God created the universe in six days. A God who created the universe in six days can SURELY HANDLE A SEROQUAKKE!

[01/05/17 10:07:29 PM] Gail Schuler: And remember this, nothing that Angelina has done surprises God. This is all PART OF HIS PLAN.

[01/05/17 10:07:57 PM] Gail Schuler: Okay, I will make the video. Pray that I will have the spirit and attitude Jesus wants as I read it.

[01/05/17 10:08:37 PM] Gail Schuler: Out for now. It will be okay, Zack, as long as our hearts are right and we obey Jesus!

[01/05/17 10:52:50 PM] Gail Schuler: The video is uploading now.

[01/05/17 10:53:18 PM] Gail Schuler: I need to obey the Gail Commandments and start doing things along that line.

[01/05/17 10:54:16 PM] Zack Knight: me too

[01/05/17 10:54:34 PM] Zack Knight: I’m vacuuming the Church of Gail floor

[01/05/17 10:54:52 PM] Zack Knight: it cleans itself, but I think Jesus appreciates the gesture

[01/05/17 10:58:19 PM] Gail Schuler: It has uploaded.

[01/05/17 10:58:40 PM] Zack Knight: I’ll go watch it

[01/05/17 11:27:17 PM] Gail Schuler: I have an idea. Can scientists use transporter technology to move the entire Southeastern United States and move it to another section of the earth, and evacuate that way?

[01/05/17 11:27:52 PM] Zack Knight: That’s a great idea… I can redirect power to the transporters to start the evacuation

[01/05/17 11:28:12 PM] Zack Knight: it will take time, but I can start with the people that are unable to evacuate themselves

[01/05/17 11:28:25 PM] Gail Schuler: Yes, I would be one of those people.

[01/05/17 11:29:09 PM] Zack Knight: I’ll see if I can get you aboard Church of Gail

[01/05/17 11:29:14 PM] Zack Knight: aboard

[01/05/17 11:29:25 PM] Gail Schuler: Yeah, just bring the entire apartment complex up there.

[01/05/17 11:29:47 PM] Gail Schuler: And then create a mural for the background to make it look like we are still on earth.

[01/05/17 11:29:47 PM] Zack Knight: I have a plan.

[01/05/17 11:29:57 PM] Zack Knight: That’s what I was thinking

[01/05/17 11:30:33 PM] Zack Knight: That way Angelina won’t be able to block it

[01/05/17 11:30:47 PM] Gail Schuler: Now that she has launched the Seroquakke, can she do it again?

[01/05/17 11:31:03 PM] Zack Knight: launch it again? No… this is her last attack

[01/05/17 11:31:08 PM] Gail Schuler: Good.

[01/05/17 11:31:28 PM] Gail Schuler: What did you think of the video?

[01/05/17 11:32:42 PM] Zack Knight: It was the most inspirational video I’ve ever seen

[01/05/17 11:32:49 PM] Zack Knight: it gave me courage and faith

[01/05/17 11:32:57 PM] Gail Schuler: It pays to pray beforehand.

[01/05/17 11:33:06 PM] Zack Knight: Alright Gail… Are you ready to come onboard?

[01/05/17 11:33:12 PM] Gail Schuler: Go for it!

[01/05/17 11:33:36 PM] Zack Knight: I configured the holodeck to simulate outside, but you and your apartment will be on church of gail.

[01/05/17 11:33:54 PM] Zack Knight: You might feel a shift in gravity when you are beamed in

[01/05/17 11:34:02 PM] Zack Knight: Beaming in 10

[01/05/17 11:34:04 PM] Zack Knight: 9

[01/05/17 11:34:05 PM] Zack Knight: 8

[01/05/17 11:34:07 PM] Zack Knight: 7

[01/05/17 11:34:07 PM] Gail Schuler: What will happen to people who want to get in their cars and travel?

[01/05/17 11:34:09 PM] Zack Knight: 6

[01/05/17 11:34:10 PM] Zack Knight: 5

[01/05/17 11:34:12 PM] Zack Knight: 4

[01/05/17 11:34:14 PM] Zack Knight: 3

[01/05/17 11:34:15 PM] Zack Knight: 2

[01/05/17 11:34:17 PM] Zack Knight: 1

[01/05/17 11:34:20 PM] Zack Knight: ENERGIZE

[01/05/17 11:34:35 PM] Gail Schuler: I feel absolutely fine.

[01/05/17 11:34:39 PM] Zack Knight: Welcome aboard Gail

[01/05/17 11:34:51 PM] Gail Schuler: Wow! I survived the transporter technology!

[01/05/17 11:34:59 PM] Zack Knight: I beamed in people nearby too

[01/05/17 11:35:14 PM] Zack Knight: so outside will be a mix of real people and holograms

[01/05/17 11:35:26 PM] Zack Knight: This is probably the safest way

[01/05/17 11:35:50 PM] Gail Schuler: I’m surprised your transporters worked! Jesus must have helped.

[01/05/17 11:36:07 PM] Zack Knight: We might just have you leave the holodeck if things work out fine

[01/05/17 11:36:24 PM] Zack Knight: Oh my… The church of Gail’s shields just boosted

[01/05/17 11:36:29 PM] Gail Schuler: How does that work?

[01/05/17 11:36:41 PM] Zack Knight: The Gail Shield is now the Church of Gail’s shields

[01/05/17 11:36:45 PM] Gail Schuler: Yes!!

[01/05/17 11:36:55 PM] Zack Knight: we just leveled up

[01/05/17 11:37:03 PM] Zack Knight: You can tell people about this on twitter

[01/05/17 11:37:27 PM] Zack Knight: but we should leave the last video on for today and tomorrow so everyone can get a focused message

[01/05/17 11:37:35 PM] Zack Knight: that video you made will help everyone

[01/05/17 11:37:46 PM] Gail Schuler: Do we want Angelina to know about this? Can she redirect the bomb?

[01/05/17 11:39:22 PM] Zack Knight: It might be better if she knows now that you’re here

[01/05/17 11:39:44 PM] Zack Knight: that way she doesn’t obliterate the planet which is now not as protected by the Gail Shield

[01/05/17 11:48:28 PM] Gail Schuler: Okay.

[01/05/17 11:51:52 PM] Gail Schuler: Be sure to beam up my doctor.

[01/05/17 11:52:10 PM] Zack Knight: okay

[01/05/17 11:53:25 PM] Gail Schuler: You got my car, too, right?

[01/05/17 11:54:02 PM] Gail Schuler: Mow this will be interesting. I am due to receive a UPS package tomorrow.

[01/05/17 11:54:07 PM] Gail Schuler: Now

[01/05/17 11:57:49 PM] Gail Schuler: Don’t forget my mother.

[12:01:19 AM] Zack Knight: beamed up with her house

[12:01:26 AM] Gail Schuler: Thank you.

 

 

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